What Goes Up . . .
Posted: July 5th, 2007
Submitted by Brian, Age 24, Boston, MA
I’m in college. Diane is the hottest girl I’ve ever dated, and things couldn’t be going better. Tonight is gonna be the night we finally have sex, I just know it! We meet for dinner and drinks. She’s looking fine and so am I. My best friend Becca helped me pick out these uber cool linen pants and I’m wearing my silk boxers for the occasion. Pretty soon, though, I realize the problem with this outfit. I’ve got a hard on that just won’t quit, and there is absolutely NO WAY to hide it. The more I try to talk myself down, the harder I get. We leave dinner and walk across campus. I’m dancing like Michael Jackson to try not to let Diane or anyone else notice the all too obvious bulge in my loose thin slacks.
We hit up a party. There will be many people I know there. This is going to be a disaster. As soon as we enter the door, I manage to slip into a bathroom and take a moment to myself. I’ve tried talking my little friend down, I’ve tried a few drinks. Utterly out of options, I decide to take matters into my own hands and I discreetly whack off into the toilet. There. Problem solved. I wait till my friend is grounded and I reemerge into the party.
But suddenly Diane doesn’t want to stay at the party anymore. She wants to head back to her room. I oblige. Can you see where this is going yet? That’s right. We get undressed, ready to have sex, and I . . . can’t. My drinking has turned me into a one shot wonder, and that one shot was fired back in the bathroom by myself. The ensuing battle with the gods of refractory vengeance was ugly at best. What could I say to Diane? Every excuse sounded lame and was. To make matters worse, this ended up being our last date. I never got a chance to prove to Diane that I actually wasn’t the world’s worst lover. I’ve never been more embarrassed in my life.
(36 votes, average: 4.47 out of 5)
Loading ...Categories: Guy Story - No Sex for Guy, Humiliation, College, How Not To Get Laid, Drugs/Alcohol.
Past tense is preferred when narrating a story. Present tense is acceptable in some circumstances. But, Brian, pick one or the other and stick with it. Your tale treats the reader like they’re in a time machine.
Chicks dig guys with mad grammar skills.
A grammar throw-down. Awesome. The question is: does anyone have any good grammar-related HNTGL stories to share? THIS POST is kind of in that vein. I’d love to hear if this sort of thing happened to anyone else.
For some reason, the link in that comment is not working. If you\’re interested in seeing the post I\’m talking about, go to http://hntgl.com/under-the-spell-of-an-american-boy-24.htm.