How Not to Get Laid

On a recent trip to Mexico, my friend and I met two American guys in an Irish pub (Yes, we went to an Irish pub in Mexico; it was recommended by our waitress). One of the bar’s regulars had already had his hands all over me, so when we were approached by two new guys schooled in American social graces, we welcomed their company. Nice enough guys. We probably wouldn’t have been friends with them back in the States, but good times had by all.

I wound up as the keeper of the email addresses, and upon our return to the States, I sent an email to my friend with everyone cc’ed. “Hey guys, just wanted to touch base with everyone’s email addresses. Photos shortly; hope you had a great rest of trip!”

A few days later, I had an email from Mike, who my friend and I agreed was the cuter of the two.

It began: “Hey, what a surprize to hear from you!”

Continued with a few details about “interesting” museums he’d seen, and ended with “I almost never make it to the city (New York, i.e., where I live), but it’s only about an hour away. Maybe I just need a good excuse, hint hint…”

As I read his email, three things went through my mind:

1. “’Hint hint?’ That sounds vaguely like an invitation for a booty call…”
2. “He just spent two weeks in Mexico, and all he had to say was that the museums were interesting?”
3. “Did he just spell ‘surprise’ with a Z???”

Of course I immediately called my friend, who was back home in San Francisco.

“So Mike just emailed me!” I read her the email and said, “What do you think? It’s almost like he’s testing the waters for a booty call.”

“Go for it dude, he’s hot!”

“He also spelled ‘surprise’ with a Z.”

Pause. “Ohhhh. Yeah, that’s a problem.”

I wrote him back a polite email with a link to our pictures, but I guess it wasn’t, um, inviting enough, since I never heard from him again. My friends are convinced I’d never have hooked up with someone who spelled “surprise” with a Z, but my friend Ed did tell me he wished I’d given Mike the benefit of the doubt.

“C’mon,” he e-mailed, “He probably thinks you’re a real prise.”

Submitted by LaGuera, Age 28, New York, NY

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