How Not to Get Laid

A compendium of coitus rejectus... because we learn more from our failures

A forum for stories about all those amazing sexual encounters you almost had, but didn't.

HIGHEST-RATED STORIES

(Minimum 20 votes)

SUBSCRIBE

Google Reader or Homepage

Subscribe

Add to My Yahoo!

Subscribe with Bloglines

Subscribe in NewsGator Online

Add to My AOL

Subscribe in Rojo

Add to Technorati Favorites!

For safer viewing at the office, please visit hntgl.com.

Search


Your Ad Here

Twuwy, Madwy, Deepwy

Posted: March 20th, 2008

Submitted by Lauren, Age 21, Toronto

When I was in my last year of high school, a very sexy older boy asked me out. Naturally, I accepted. It is a mark of prestige, attractiveness and intelligence for a high school girl to be with a university boy.

We began dating. We didn’t go far for months, never getting past ‘first base’. However, I was crazy about him, and he about me. I decided that he was the one I would “lose it” to. And, being an inexperienced virgin, I set out to create the perfect night for us to “physically express our love” (as I delicately described it to my equally inexperienced friends).

I invited him to my home one night when I knew my family would be gone. I went out, bought special underwear, soft sexy music, candles, the whole shtick. It was going to be beautiful and perfect.

Or so I thought.

He came over. I immediately steered him to the bedroom. The carefully planned ambiance tipped him off to my intention. We began kissing and fondling each other, slowly rounding out the bases.

I was pleased that everything was going so well. I was turned on, ready. He began breathing heavily and whispering sexy nothings in my ear.

Then it happened.

He said “I want you so badly”. which, in itself, is not a bad thing to say. Except that he said it in a baby voice. I’m talking five year old with a lisp baby voice: “I want you so badwy”. A little, horny Elmer Fudd. It caught me off-guard, but I decided to ignore it.

I suppose my silence read as an indication that I liked dirty baby talk. He started saying dirtier and dirtier things and I grew more and more disturbed. The deal breaker was “I wanna spwit you open wif my cock”. At that point, I rolled off him and said I was “too nervous” to continue. It seemed like a backhanded way to compliment him and to get out of sex with little explanation. In reality I was just too creeped out and turned off.

For several days, every time we interacted, all I could think about was “I wanna spwit you open wif my cock”.

The relationship didn’t survive.

CLICK STARS TO RATE THIS STORY:
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (86 votes, average: 4.58 out of 5)
Loading ... Loading ...

Categories: College, Foot In Mouth, Girl Story - No Sex for Guy, High School, How Not To Get Laid, Icky and/or Gross, Virginity.

6 Responses to “Twuwy, Madwy, Deepwy”

  1. Deb

    How cweepy….

  2. Dan

    Cweepy? That’s tewwifying…

  3. Clark

    I’ve now read through the entire site and that’s definitely the creepiest story. Yeesh.

  4. Oz

    If only he had been vewwy vewwy quiet…

  5. J

    Where do you find quality men like that? If you still talk to him tell him to check out:
    http://sexed.wordpress.com

    For some free advice.

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.

cialis overnight buy lasix online order levitra buy no rx cialis buy cheapest viagra online accutane discount find cialis on internet purchase synthroid find cialis lasix online cheap buy cheap lasix approved viagra pharmacy viagra for order buy synthroid online zithromax generic buy cheap viagra cialis sale cheap levitra clomid generic synthroid for sale accutane online cheap cheap viagra in uk cheap acomplia tablets cheap viagra without prescription where to buy soma order zithromax buy generic viagra online cheap acomplia levitra online purchase viagra without prescription order propecia cheap price cialis where to buy clomid accutane without prescription cialis medication propecia cost viagra best price cialis online acomplia cheap soma online order soma buy lasix cheap discount cialis propecia without prescription cheapest clomid buy cheap zithromax price of soma acomplia generic clomid pills viagra pills order viagra on internet zithromax prices discount viagra without prescription cialis malaysia buy cialis on internet zithromax without prescription discount zithromax cialis tablet lowest price for cialis viagra cheap cialis cheap drug cheap cialis overnight delivery buy cialis cheap propecia cheap zithromax online stores viagra no rx required lasix online stores buy propecia cheap order synthroid generic cialis online viagra in malaysia cheap cialis in usa buy cheap soma