How Not to Get Laid

The fairy tale adventure of my romantic life just keeps on playing . . .
A male friend who’s been around for the last year recently broke up with his fiancé. Almost immediately, he turned his attention to me. He made my head turn for about a half a second until suddenly, we were talking, and there was something just lewd about him. All character was stripped and he seemed, eh, I don’t know, not the person I’d known for the last year. I barely recognized him. I called him on it . . .

He told me he was looking for a one night stand to get over his ex and knew I’d “be up for the ride”. I was silenced while he continued – yes, continued! – saying that with my background in theatre, there’s no way I was the “good-girl” I presented myself to be, though “the whole catholic girl routine and clothing” totally works for him (he said this with a wink, naturally).

I probably should have slapped him, but instead, for some unknown reason, I didn’t. Instead, I asked what would make him think that I’d be up for such a proposal. He said, “Oh, I figured shallow and not-too-bright were a good combination for a one night stand. C’mon, it’s just sex. We’ll both have a good time. Let’s go.”

The funny thing is, I liked him before this conversation. Who knows where things may have led had he not been such a prick. Think it, don’t say it. No, try not to even think it.

Submitted by Sarah Clay, London

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