Archive for the 'Stewart Fox' Category
I'm pleased to announce that we have finally fixed our Story Rating feature, and our Highest Rated Stories sidebar is once again up and running. All the credit goes to our web guru Steve, a fabulous human being, who found a rogue letter "s" in our code that was mucking everything up. Allow me to express my thanks by pimping his latest project, http://firsttimelasvegas.com, which is a great site to visit if you happen to be visiting Las Vegas for the first time.
So we are once again fully operational. There are still some older posts that have strange symbols where punctuation ought to be, but I am fixing these as time permits and will hopefully get them all cleaned up soon. In the meantime, I encourage you to enjoy the site as usual, rate stories to your heart's content, and share your own personal tales with us.
A Happy Easter and Passover to those of you for whom that means something!
-Stewart
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Dear readers,
Happy Valentine's Day — and, yes, it has been a while. The site was down for a few days in December and has been dealing with a variety of technical issues since then. I am hoping to have the Highest Rated Stories sidebar fixed soon, and I'm slowly working to correct the rogue symbols that have found their way into some of the older posts since upgrading to this newer version of WordPress. That said … we are still here.
You may have also noticed that there has been a two month gap in the flow of stories. Apologies. Part of the two month hiatus has been my own negligence, and for that I'm sorry. The primary reason for the lack of stories, however, is … the lack of stories. Story submissions tend to come in waves here at HNTGL, with dry spells in between, and we have been in a little bit of a dry spell lately.
But I know you're out there. You remind me by visiting the site, leaving comments, and showing your support. You've let me know that you love How Not To Get Laid, and that's a good thing–because the fate of the website is in your hands. If you want to read more hilarious stories of coitus rejectus, you need to step up and share your own! I know you have at least one. Maybe it doesn't involve you. Maybe it involves a friend. Or an Ex. Perhaps it's a story you heard at work. Doesn't matter. We want to hear it! And remember, for those of you who are short on time, your story need not be a novel. Sometimes, the most satisfying and amusing stories are only one or two sentences long.
And now the REAL NEWS … the time has come for HNTGL to expand. From here on out, I will be accepting more than just stories. I will also be accepting links and pictures. That's right. I've realized that the most successful blogs on the Web do not rely exclusively on original content. They are aggregators. For HNTGL to keep going when the stories are fewer, we need to be open to all sorts of content: stories, pictures, videos, news, links, etc.
I think this can be an exciting change, but it still means I'm going to be relying on you readers. If you see anything on the web you think the HNTGL community will enjoy, anything in the spirit of the site, please send it in. Just shoot me an e-mail at StewFox at gmail (dot) com, and be sure to let me know how you want to be credited. Any pictures should be less than 1 MB in jpg form.
So now, dear readers, I leave it in your hands once again. Please spread the word! And send in those links and stories!
Thanks again for all the love.
And a very merry Valentine's to you all.
warmly,
Stewart Fox
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Good things sometimes happen at peculiar times. This has been a big week for How Not To Get Laid. We’ve turned up on Nerve’s Scanner blog, Salon.com’s Broadsheet, and MetaFilter. We’re the blog of the day on Crap We Like!, and there will be more press in the days to come.
How is this peculiar timing? I just left on vacation, and will be very hard to reach for these next 10 days. On a practical level, this won’t affect you guys much. I’ve been getting a bunch of new stories in, and I will try to keep a steady flow of posts while I’m gone. But don’t expect me to return e-mails for a bit.
Meanwhile, if you’re new to the site, welcome! Stick around a while. Read our old stories. And, most importantly, submit your own. I can’t wait to hear about how you almost got laid.
talk to you soon,
Stewart
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Submitted by Stewart Fox, Age 29, Los Angeles
After a wonderful April and a spectacular March, May has been strangely silent here at HNTGL. Just when I started to think that more and more people were visiting the site and submitting stories, the flow of new material suddenly and mysteriously stopped. Why? I’m not sure. I’ve long since given up trying to understand the logic behind when people submit stories and when they don’t.
But as I wait for my readers to once again share their tales of intrigue and humor, I thought I’d submit an entry myself. You see, my inbox hasn’t exactly been empty these past few weeks. I’ve had quite a lot of e-mail — only, of the spam variety. Spam irks me because I don’t understand it. Can spam actually be successful? Do spammers actually make money? How? Who, in this day and age, is foolish enough to actually give a spammer their money? The nonsensical spam irks me the most, the random letters and words that don’t even attempt to sell any bogus products, the meaningless sludge that pollutes without purpose.
But the most amusing spam is the penis spam. And that stuff seems very much in the spirit of this website. For anyone who actually responds to such spam is clearly barking up a tree that is planted in Notgettinglaidanytimethiscenturyville, USA. So, without further ado, some penis spam subject lines that I’ve received this year:
Read more »
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Happy New Year! To the over-sexed, the under-sexed, the appropriately sexed, and the comedically sexed, I wish you a wonderful 2008. It’s been a little over a year since I launched this site, and I thought I’d take a second or two to give y’all a little update.
Since my first post in December of 2006, our community has shared a total of 95 stories (including tomorrow’s story), and have had over 55,000 visitors to the site. Not bad for a first year. You may have noticed, however, that the fall has been rather slow for us, and the frequency of postings has dropped in a major way since the summer. Here’s why:
I launched the site with a large stockpile of stories from friends, and in those early months, I was very aggressive about emailing bloggers and similar websites to get the HNTGL name out there. This was quite successful. I gave a bunch of interviews, the website got a few nice write-ups, and with each of these came more traffic and more stories. Due to my significant backlog and aggressive networking, I was able to post about three stories a week, and at the time, I thought this was just swell. My hope was that once we got HNTGL off to a good start, the site would spread on its own, and I would no longer have to worry about pestering strangers for stories.
I was partly right and partly wrong. Sometime over the summer, I realized that this venture was monopolizing my time at the expense of my other (actual moneymaking) work, and I decided I needed to let go a bit, to let the site sink or swim based on its own merits. I stopped my marketing crusade. Sadly, the stories started to come less frequently. But you didn’t! With no effort on my part, HNTGL started getting blogrolled on more and more sites. Readership even improved, very slowly but steadily.
Which brings us to the central paradox (and perhaps, admittedly, the major flaw) of HowNotToGetLaid.com. People love to read stories about not getting laid. But (it seems) only a small percentage of those people are willing to share stories about themselves. Reading is easy. Sharing requires effort. So there you are.
I would love to go back to posting three stories a week (or more), but I can only post what I’m sent. Which leaves the ball in your court. This is your website. If you want to see more stories, please keep sending them in. Spread the word to your friends, dare everyone you know to share a dark story from their past, and see who is up to the challenge. Remember that a two sentence story can be every bit as rewarding as a 1000 word opus, so this needn’t be a huge time commitment. If you really want to go all the way supporting the site, buy a T-shirt and wear it out in public. Spread the word and the mission however you can.
I’d like to thank those of you who have contributed stories, those of you who have blogrolled me, those of you who rate stories and add comments, and even those of you who just visit the site to read for a bit and then disappear quietly into the night. You have all made this a terrific first year. With a little luck and a little help, we can make it a great ‘08 as well.
peace and love,
Stewart Fox
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I will be on vacation for the next week. New stories will be posted starting June 13th. Please take this opportunity to engage in any of the following wonderful activities:
1. browse the HNTGL archives and read some of our awesome older stories (Dec, Jan, Feb, Mar, Apr, May)
2. walk away from your computer, stretch your limbs, and engage actively in the world
3. go on a date and get laid (or fail spectacularly, trying to do so)
4. write many new hilarious stories for me so that I will return from vacation to find my Inbox overflowing!
I look forward to more fun soon.
Think sexy thoughts,
Stewart
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(It has been some time since my inaugural post, so I thought I’d throw another personal story out there. Do enjoy. — SF)
Submitted by Stewart Fox, Age 28, Los Angeles
I had a big time crush. I was into her and (to a lesser extent) she was into me. So why weren’t we a couple? There were issues. Problems of mismatched geography, mismatched life direction, and that perennial thorn in my side: bad timing. But I had a chance with her. Or so I thought. It was one night only, just the two of us together, not exactly the full-scale long term romance I’d fantasized about, but I knew there was still a chance for something special that night: a chance for one spectacular fling.
First I had to grease the wheels. At dinner, I ordered a bottle of wine. Just the thing to push inhibitions to the point of no return. We both drank. I wanted to encourage her to drink more. So I — very conspicuously — drank more. She sipped responsibly. I sipped frequently. I drank the way people lean to one side during mini golf trying to influence the ball’s trajectory through mental telepathy and body language. I influenced nothing. Except my own good senses.
I began to open up. And it was a gruesome thing to watch. I told her how much I was into her. And then I kept talking. And talking. And telling her things I should have never in a million years told her. And with every word, I could see whatever attraction she once had for me slowly fading away. I’d become this needy guy with feelings, no longer the cool artistic dude she once admired. I was just another guy with a crush that wasn’t going to be returned. I was my own cheap date. And not hers.
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Next week, HowNotToGetLaid.com will post its 50th story. [Make loud joyful noise of your choosing HERE] It’s been an amazing first three and a half months, and I thank all of you for making it so. The last few weeks have been particularly cool as we’ve gotten a terrific review on Jane’s Guide and lots of amazing press. So please take a moment, as the reader, and pat yourselves on the back for helping to put the world’s first website about NOT getting laid on the map …
You done yet? Okay. Cool. Stop patting yourselves please. There’ll be more time for that later. But first …
The lowdown. While HNTGL is exploding, the amount of new stories in my Inbox is … not. After starting with a large backlog of brilliant tales, my supply of stories is starting to run low, and this has me concerned. I’m putting them up faster than I’m getting them in, and that’s no good. So here’s the deal: in order for HNTGL.com to stick around, I need your help.
Here are a few SUPER EASY things you can do right now to help keep the mission alive:
1. SUBMIT A STORY - Everybody’s got a story to share. Hell, you’ve probably got five. Why not share one? Tell us how you screwed up so we can avoid making the same mistake. Sharing is caring!
2. TELL 5 FRIENDS ABOUT HNTGL - More readers = More people to potentially write stories.
3. TELL 50 FRIENDS ABOUT HNTGL - I know you have more than 5 friends.
4. BLOGROLL ME - Got a blog? Link to me!
5. MYSPACE LOVE - Befriend our MySpace page and good things will follow.
6. SUBMIT A STORY - What are you waiting for? Just start typing. It’s not as hard as it sounds. And it’s fun. People have told me it’s cathartic even. If you’ve only got five free minutes, type up a five minute story. Remember, this can be a story about you wanting to have sex but messing it up, it can be about someone else improperly wooing you, it can be a story about a friend, anything! Just go for it!
Thanks for taking action today, and, as always, thanks for reading.
Have a great weekend!
Stewart Fox
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(4.62 out of 5)
