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One of Those "Friend of a Friend" Things

Sep 132008

Submitted by Jack, 28, San Francisco, CA

I got a call from this very sexy girl who had been dating a good friend of mine for several months. They had ended things on good terms recently, but rumor was that they might be relapsing occasionally. This girl was out of town visiting her terminally-ill grandfather. She said she would be back that evening….did I want to do something? She sounded upset, needed some distraction, humor, support, etc. I agreed, not considering this to be anything other than platonic.

Cock-blocked by the clock

Guy Story - No Sex for Guy, High School, How Not To Get Laid, On Being Good 1 Response »

Sep 042008

Submitted by Will, Age 35, Atlanta

So it’s my senior year and my high school girlfriend and I had been having hot and heavy makeout sessions for months – 2 or 3 hours of “heavy petting” that drove us both insane…alas this was before oral sex became so common so never any relief!

So one night around 11:30pm we’re at my house with my parents out of town she tells me “I’m ready! I want you inside me!!!” No objections on my part of course and I prepared to finally get on the scoreboard.

But then as I am shifting positions to get on top of her she thinks to ask me “hey what time is it?” I answer 11:30 and we both immediately sighed as her curfew was midnight and she lived about 25 minutes away.

So we reluctantly dress and are almost to her house, still frisky of course, and she suddenly exclaims “oh wait we turn back the clocks an hour tonight” This was relevant only because her much older parents usually went to bed around 10pm and were 100% the type to have changed their clocks before going to bed.

Unfortunately we realized that even with the bonus hour by the time we got back to my house it would almost be time to turn around and go back again…curses!

A Surprising Political Position

Guy Story - No Sex for Guy, How Not To Get Laid, On Being Good, Travel No Responses »

Sep 022008

Mike Jones, Age 29, Cleveland, Ohio

In 2004, I was working on the presidential election. Our campaign had a major event and we were all put up in a fancy hotel. One of the long-term volunteers that I had been flirting with all summer was also at the event, but not staying in the hotel because she was local to the area.

Midway through the second day, we were giggling in the back of the room during a very boring speech. She commented about how exhausted she was, and I said that I’ve got a room in the hotel. Well, off we went upstairs.

On the way, I was incredibly nervous and wondering what the hell I was getting into taking a girl up to my room without any condoms (and a girlfriend back home).

My questions were soon answered when we got into the room. My campaign-assigned roommate (the former mayor of a major city) was sitting in his bed watching TV with no pants on. He asked if she would wait outside while he got dressed, and he left, but the mood was dead.

We laid in bed, she took a nap, and two hours later he came back.

In the end, I’m glad he was there, because I never saw her again, and I married my girlfriend.

Boner With the Bathwater

Guy Story - No Sex for Guy, How Not To Get Laid, Lack of Balls, On Being Good 1 Response »

Sep 012008

Submitted by Mark, Age 39, Oklahoma

I was 28, single, and was finally dating. I met this pretty 26-year old girl at work who was a single mom with a 18-month old daughter. She was often tired from the day and turned in around 9 pm, and that’s when I usually left on evenings when I came by. No commitment here really but we were on first base terms and I didn’t push things, and I can’t even recall if I was ok with the status quo or was worried about a commitment.

One evening it was getting late. As usual, she said, “Well, we’ve got to take our bath and go to bed.”

“Alright.”

Then she said, “That is unless you want to join us.”

It kind of took me by surprise. Now anyone would have playfully said “sure” just to see where this was leading. A tease? Maybe. Two adults having some intimate time in the tub (which as I recall would fit us all), even if innocently bathing an 18-month old? I can see that being kind of interesting, and a prelude to what might have
happened after the tot was put to bed. I envisioned scrubbing her back while she bathed the daughter; all kinds of wonderful thoughts. But we were kissing earlier, so I was a bit turned on and had an erection that would have sprung free to destroy the evening. No, this anatomical party crasher was not going to be the centerpiece of tonight’s bathtime, and especially not with a child in the tub.

There was a moment of awkward silence. She didn’t laugh it off. I must have blotted out what happened but I think we played it off and didn’t give it much thought, and nicely said goodnight.

Thanks, boner. I left that evening wondering what might have followed from a simple “sure”. Years later we emailed and she said she felt as a single mom she had nothing to offer, and I guess being a bachelor I wasn’t yet ready to be a dad. We never did have sex. In hindsight I guess I should have brought some wine and a movie to get us off first base, but for some reason I never did that or didn’t know at the time what worked. I’m left wondering whether it was me or her that was worried about making the next move.

What are you trying to say exactly?

College, Drugs/Alcohol, Guy Story - No Sex for Guy, How Not To Get Laid, Lack of Balls, On Being Good, Virginity 4 Responses »

Aug 262008

Submitted by Shy Nerd, Age 24, Portland OR

So I entered and exited adolescence a shy, bashful nerdy type who had many chances to get laid and ended up successfully avoiding each one. The funniest story, however, came when I was still a virgin and in college. I had this female friend who I had developed a huge crush on, but I didn’t tell her because I knew she had a long distance boyfriend and I was much too awkward to entertain the idea that someone I was sexually attracted to shared an attraction for me.

We had been friends for a while and sexual tensions developed, but I figured they were all on my end. One night, after a dorm party, we ended up in her room, alone. We sat on her bed and talked for a little while, both a little buzzed from some rotgut vodka. After a short time talking, she gets up and says, “I’m just going to put on some music.” She puts on some soft instrumental music and we continue to sit on the bed. I have a stupid grin on my face (as I usually do) and continue to think about nothing. After a couple minutes of silence, she says “I’m just going to dim the lights.” I continue to sit on the bed and think about nothing.

After a few more minutes of silence, she says “I’m tired. Do you want to lie down?” So we both lay in her bed, and a few more minutes of silence pass by. Slowly, the gears in my head are in motion and I start to wonder if she may have an ulterior motive. After at least five more minutes pass by of us both lying in bed together underneath dimmed lights with soft music playing in the background, she says “Look, maybe we shouldn’t hang out so much anymore. I’m afraid something is going to happen.”

And this is exactly what I thought: “Something was going to happen?”

Is That A Wallet In Your Pocket? Or Not?

Cars, Guy Story - No Sex for Guy, How Not To Get Laid, On Being Good No Responses »

Jul 212008

Submitted by Mark, Age 50, Michigan

After my divorce when I was 27, I moved back in with my parents so I could get back on my feet. I started hanging out at a bar across town near where I worked. I made real good friends with the bar maid after a few weeks. We used to play darts when nobody was in the bar later at night. I could tell she was into me as much as I was into her.

She got off early from work one night and suggested we take our relation to the next level. Since she was a single parent we couldn’t go back to her place because the babysitter was her sister, and my parents just wouldn’t understand. We decided to go to a motel on the other side of the river.

As we were crossing the bridge, my car hit a pothole and dented the tire rim enough to cause the tire to go flat. I pulled over and got out to change the tire during a pouring rain storm. 15 minutes later we were back on the road and heading to the motel. Once we got there I went in to get a room when I reached for my wallet I found it wasn’t in my pocket. It must have fallen out when I was changing the tire. I had no money and I couldn’t ask this hot looking woman to pay.

When I got back into the car and told her what had happened, she looked at me with this very sexy sad face and said maybe another time then because she had to get home to her children. On our way back, I stopped where I fixed the tire and found my wallet right where it fell out of my pocket. She leaned over the seat in the car and kissed my cheek and said maybe next time.

She Played Annoying To Get

Guy Story - No Sex for Guy, How Not To Get Laid, On Being Good, Online 9 Responses »

Apr 132008

Submitted by Oblivious, Age 26, The Netherlands

I met this pretty young girl at sports, but didn’t really pay her much attention. We basically never said a word to each other for half a year, maybe a year or so. Then one evening, the group went out to a club, and all of the sudden, she came on to me quite aggressively. There was some close/erotic dancing, some kissing, but then she had to go, as she had to ride home with somebody.

In Retrospect, Sex Would Have Been Nice Too

College, Guy Story - No Sex for Guy, How Not To Get Laid, Lack of Balls, Melancholy, On Being Good, Virginity 2 Responses »

Mar 142008

Submitted by Matthew, Age 61, New England, USA

Then, not getting laid wasn’t what hurt the most. Now, forty-three years later, it is. There’s nothing like being in love the first time. Those feelings last forever.

She was in love with me too, in the same way. We declared that, someday, we would get married.

We were both virgins, but hot to experiment. We met during the summer and had a comfortable place to be alone, and we undressed each other and, without intercourse, made love often.

My friend was in nursing school. She had studied the rhythm method and took her temperature each morning. One night when we were in bed together she said, “I’m not fertile. I want to make love.”

Older Entries

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One of Those "Friend of a Friend" Things

Cock-blocked by the clock

A Surprising Political Position

Boner With the Bathwater

What are you trying to say exactly?

Is That A Wallet In Your Pocket? Or Not?

She Played Annoying To Get

In Retrospect, Sex Would Have Been Nice Too

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