Regardless of how my romantic life ebbed or flowed for the other 364 days a year, there was always one thing I could be certain of come February 14th: No date. No romance. No action. Relationships started and ended and always managed to carefully avoid this day. Was it a Valentine’s curse? I don’t know. Possibly. The point is this: I have no good Valentine’s Day stories to tell.

But YOU DO!!!

So, let’s raise the stakes, shall we? Starting now, submit your favorite story about not getting laid on Valentine’s Day. Remember, this can be a story about you not getting laid, a story about someone who tried to have sex with you and messed it up, a story about a friend . . . ANYTHING! It just needs to have some Valentine-ish element to be included in the contest. Submit the usual way, on the submit page.

Judging. Stories will be posted during the first two weeks of February. Highest rated story (with at least 10 votes) wins. Winner will be announced on Valentine’s Day. Winner gets the HNTGL T-Shirt of his or her choosing. I will contact the winner via e-mail and ask for their mailing address and T-shirt size and preference.

Ratings – You guys are on the honors system here, because I tend to trust strangers. Vote only once, but get as many friends to vote as possible. The Highest Rated Stories sidebar (as many of you have pointed out) is still not functioning properly, but will be fixed soon. Meanwhile, the ratings interface itself is working fine, so keep rating those stories.

Don’t have a Valentine’s Story? That’s okay. I’m sure you have another story that would be perfect for the site. I’ve been overwhelmed by the positive response and steadily increasing readership we’re getting, but I still need more fresh stories if I want to keep the site going. So if you like what you’ve been reading, it’s time to get those fingers working and start sharing.

As always, I look forward to hearing your stories.

Let the games begin!

— Stewart

We’ve all been there. We’ve all had moments when the need for personal comfort overrides the need for sex. For me, there has been no better example of this than the following story.

It was July 2001, the pre-9/11 New York City summer of carefree fun. Summer in NYC can be hot and this particular July was no exception. The mercury was boiling as the temperature was well over 100 degrees during the day and only dropped down to the low 80’s at night.

On this particular night, I figured I had no choice but to grin and bare the excessive heat, especially since I had a hot date.

I took this lovely lady out to a nice dinner on the Upper West Side, and she decided that she wanted me to walk her home. I had no problem with this.

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(When I first got the idea for this website, it never occurred to me that some people out there might literally be looking for ways to avoid getting laid. Enter a formerly closeted gay male friend of mine. I hope you enjoy his story as much as I did. – SF)

Try being an “ambiguously” gay man your entire life when trying to get with girls. One girl I dated was extremely out of my league. Beautiful. I never brought up sex, but she kept hinting. If I wanted to hide my sexual orientation, I couldn’t duck the issue forever. Out of pure fear from having to have intercourse, I decided upon an alternate strategy. I would make the sex all about her. In a place I liked to call: Every Girl’s Fantasy. I would get her off before I ever had to have sex.

Well, I went downtown, and, sure enough, she had an orgasm. But afterwards, I think her exact quote was, “please put it in.” I – being gay and all – was as soft as my limp wrist.
I said, ” I don’t have any condoms.” Strategic, I know. She said, “It’s okay, I’m on the pill.” Then I said, “I always want to play it safe anyway.” and then she of course said, “You don’t trust me.” I had three choices at this point: have sex, please her orally again, or carry out the whole “trust” argument.

I took a deep breath, used my finger, used my tongue, and brought her to orgasm again. To this day, she claims I was the best she ever had at pleasing her orally.

BOYS, PLEASE DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME! JUST COME OUT! IT’S MUCH EASIER!

Submitted by Nate, Age 28, Chicago

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