Archive for the 'Miscellaneous' Category
I will be on vacation for the next week. New stories will be posted starting June 13th. Please take this opportunity to engage in any of the following wonderful activities:
1. browse the HNTGL archives and read some of our awesome older stories (Dec, Jan, Feb, Mar, Apr, May)
2. walk away from your computer, stretch your limbs, and engage actively in the world
3. go on a date and get laid (or fail spectacularly, trying to do so)
4. write many new hilarious stories for me so that I will return from vacation to find my Inbox overflowing!
I look forward to more fun soon.
Think sexy thoughts,
Stewart
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Share your story with us this Memorial Day weekend!
Be our 69th story!
CLICK HERE!
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Next week, HowNotToGetLaid.com will post its 50th story. [Make loud joyful noise of your choosing HERE] It’s been an amazing first three and a half months, and I thank all of you for making it so. The last few weeks have been particularly cool as we’ve gotten a terrific review on Jane’s Guide and lots of amazing press. So please take a moment, as the reader, and pat yourselves on the back for helping to put the world’s first website about NOT getting laid on the map …
You done yet? Okay. Cool. Stop patting yourselves please. There’ll be more time for that later. But first …
The lowdown. While HNTGL is exploding, the amount of new stories in my Inbox is … not. After starting with a large backlog of brilliant tales, my supply of stories is starting to run low, and this has me concerned. I’m putting them up faster than I’m getting them in, and that’s no good. So here’s the deal: in order for HNTGL.com to stick around, I need your help.
Here are a few SUPER EASY things you can do right now to help keep the mission alive:
1. SUBMIT A STORY - Everybody’s got a story to share. Hell, you’ve probably got five. Why not share one? Tell us how you screwed up so we can avoid making the same mistake. Sharing is caring!
2. TELL 5 FRIENDS ABOUT HNTGL - More readers = More people to potentially write stories.
3. TELL 50 FRIENDS ABOUT HNTGL - I know you have more than 5 friends.
4. BLOGROLL ME - Got a blog? Link to me!
5. MYSPACE LOVE - Befriend our MySpace page and good things will follow.
6. SUBMIT A STORY - What are you waiting for? Just start typing. It’s not as hard as it sounds. And it’s fun. People have told me it’s cathartic even. If you’ve only got five free minutes, type up a five minute story. Remember, this can be a story about you wanting to have sex but messing it up, it can be about someone else improperly wooing you, it can be a story about a friend, anything! Just go for it!
Thanks for taking action today, and, as always, thanks for reading.
Have a great weekend!
Stewart Fox
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Jody from Chicago is the winner of How Not To Get Laid’s first Valentine’s Story Contest! Her entry, SHIVERS DOWN HIS SPINE, received the highest average rating (4.42) of all six submitted stories as of Valentine’s Eve. It’s a funny cautionary tale which you should all check out if you haven’t. As our winner, Jody gets the How Not To Get Laid T-shirt of her choosing. What a prize!
Thanks to everyone who submitted and everyone who voted. Not bad for our first contest. I promise we’ll get back to our non-Valentine’s stories asap, and I urge you all to keep sending in those stories and keep spreading the word about the site. Thanks again!
A highly tolerable Valentine’s Day to you all!
— SF
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This is the week for Valentine’s Stories, and the first post of our contest is coming up! If you have a Valentine’s story and haven’t submitted yet, you can still do so (click for details). Remember though, the sooner you submit, the sooner your story gets posted, the longer time you have to rack up lots of high votes and tell your friends. Reminder: Judging: honor’s system: rate each story once, and whichever story has the highest rating come Valentine’s Eve is our winner (with more than 10 votes minimum).
So now, without further ado, I bid you enjoy the stories of HNTGL’s first ever Valentine’s Contest!
— Stewart
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(I love this story because it represents exactly what this website should be about: learning and personal growth. Heed the warning, children! — SF)
Practically everyone experiments with some type of drugs when they are college. For me, I was pretty much the “pot guy” who occasionally dabbled in other drugs when offered but never actively sought out or bought any for myself. So, it was on the last night of my college career that I found myself on the losing end of a multi-drug “cocktail”, causing me to lose my big chance (or so I thought) with the one girl I had really wanted to bang throughout my five years at school.
Every year, on the last day of classes in spring, the “hot girl” sorority threw its annual graduation party at the beach. It is THE party of the year with the hottest girls. Even the hot girls who weren’t in the sorority did everything to get in. So, I found myself pre-partying at my buddy’s apartment beforehand, and, naturally, we were all psyched to be ending our days in college on a “high” note.
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Regardless of how my romantic life ebbed or flowed for the other 364 days a year, there was always one thing I could be certain of come February 14th: No date. No romance. No action. Relationships started and ended and always managed to carefully avoid this day. Was it a Valentine’s curse? I don’t know. Possibly. The point is this: I have no good Valentine’s Day stories to tell.
But YOU DO!!!
So, let’s raise the stakes, shall we? Starting now, submit your favorite story about not getting laid on Valentine’s Day. Remember, this can be a story about you not getting laid, a story about someone who tried to have sex with you and messed it up, a story about a friend . . . ANYTHING! It just needs to have some Valentine-ish element to be included in the contest. Submit the usual way, on the submit page.
Judging. Stories will be posted during the first two weeks of February. Highest rated story (with at least 10 votes) wins. Winner will be announced on Valentine’s Day. Winner gets the HNTGL T-Shirt of his or her choosing. I will contact the winner via e-mail and ask for their mailing address and T-shirt size and preference.
Ratings - You guys are on the honors system here, because I tend to trust strangers. Vote only once, but get as many friends to vote as possible. The Highest Rated Stories sidebar (as many of you have pointed out) is still not functioning properly, but will be fixed soon. Meanwhile, the ratings interface itself is working fine, so keep rating those stories.
Don’t have a Valentine’s Story? That’s okay. I’m sure you have another story that would be perfect for the site. I’ve been overwhelmed by the positive response and steadily increasing readership we’re getting, but I still need more fresh stories if I want to keep the site going. So if you like what you’ve been reading, it’s time to get those fingers working and start sharing.
As always, I look forward to hearing your stories.
Let the games begin!
— Stewart
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We’ve all been there. We’ve all had moments when the need for personal comfort overrides the need for sex. For me, there has been no better example of this than the following story.
It was July 2001, the pre-9/11 New York City summer of carefree fun. Summer in NYC can be hot and this particular July was no exception. The mercury was boiling as the temperature was well over 100 degrees during the day and only dropped down to the low 80’s at night.
On this particular night, I figured I had no choice but to grin and bare the excessive heat, especially since I had a hot date.
I took this lovely lady out to a nice dinner on the Upper West Side, and she decided that she wanted me to walk her home. I had no problem with this.
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(When I first got the idea for this website, it never occurred to me that some people out there might literally be looking for ways to avoid getting laid. Enter a formerly closeted gay male friend of mine. I hope you enjoy his story as much as I did. – SF)
Try being an “ambiguously” gay man your entire life when trying to get with girls. One girl I dated was extremely out of my league. Beautiful. I never brought up sex, but she kept hinting. If I wanted to hide my sexual orientation, I couldn’t duck the issue forever. Out of pure fear from having to have intercourse, I decided upon an alternate strategy. I would make the sex all about her. In a place I liked to call: Every Girl’s Fantasy. I would get her off before I ever had to have sex.
Well, I went downtown, and, sure enough, she had an orgasm. But afterwards, I think her exact quote was, “please put it in.” I – being gay and all – was as soft as my limp wrist.
I said, ” I don’t have any condoms.” Strategic, I know. She said, “It’s okay, I’m on the pill.” Then I said, “I always want to play it safe anyway.” and then she of course said, “You don’t trust me.” I had three choices at this point: have sex, please her orally again, or carry out the whole “trust” argument.
I took a deep breath, used my finger, used my tongue, and brought her to orgasm again. To this day, she claims I was the best she ever had at pleasing her orally.
BOYS, PLEASE DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME! JUST COME OUT! IT’S MUCH EASIER!
Submitted by Nate, Age 28, Chicago
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