Archive for the 'Icky and/or Gross' Category
Submitted by Jessica, Age 19, Trenton, NJ
A party. Long time friends. We were both drunk, sitting close on a couch, our thighs pressed against each other's with the party going on all around us. He started running his hand up and down my back till his hand settled low, between my shirt and the top of my jeans, with his fingers on my skin and grazing the top rim of my panties. All of this with loads of people around, but everyone was drunk, and he was doing all of this in the "privacy" between the back of the couch and my back. We were both getting very hot, his hand pressing more, wandering more, our legs pressing more, shoulders, leaning, it became one of those, must-have-you-moments.
Finally, I turned at looked at him, he looked at me, and we both got up together, his hands not leaving me. I put down the beer I'd had, and we walked to this large walk-in coat closet at the entrance, closed the door and started going at it. My shirt was off, bra was next. I was unbuttoning the top of his pants. He paused for a second, backed away from me, opened the door, leaned his head out, threw up all over the floor, closed the door, grabbed my waist and said, "I'm good now! Whew! Much better." and leaned in for more… um… yeah… no.
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Submitted by Ginger
Okay, so here I am at the ripe old age of 22, just got out of a long, life-wasting relationship, and I was on the rebound. My priority in life at this point was to go out, get drunk, and get laid. One night, I did go out, did get drunk, and was talking to a guy who somehow was getting progressively cuter as the night progressed. It happens, you've lived it, let's move on. So, a couple, two, three more drinks later, he is suddenly the funniest guy I've ever met, and for some reason, I decided that we should leave and get things rolling.
Now, I'm not an overly materialistic girl, but when I saw the "Hello this is my Grandma's car" car that he was proudly sporting, I started to lose my buzz, but I didn't let this get to me until I got into his car to see that he was, indeed, sitting on a cushion. My grandma did this because she was shrinking and needed the boost. Okay, letting this slide.
End at his house. Still lives with the parents, and I was assuming he was about my age — no biggie. We sneak into his basement room, have another drink, and then it starts to go from there. Make it onto his bed, start fooling around, having a grand old time, and all of a sudden I hear this SCCCCCCCRRRRREEEEEEAAAAAAAAACCCCCHHHH SSSSSQQQQQwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaccccck!!!
Ok WTF was that!?!? I ask. So Grandma Ride jumps up out of the bed half naked and goes, "OHHH I didn't introduce you to Annie!!!"
I'm sitting here thinking “Who is Annie and WTF is Annie spewing out that wretched ear piercing noise!?!?"
So the guy, who is getting rapidly uglier by the second as my buzz has just about completely dissipated, proceeds to run across the basement half clothed to go get this enormously huge parrot and bring it into the bed! I'M HALF NAKED HERE, BUD!"
Do you want to see how Annie is a good girl and can do her tricks?!?"
Uhhh, not so much, but I was not having much choice here as I was hurriedly getting dressed. (And you all know how getting dressed fast doesn't seem to work; legs are in arm holes, etc.etc.) Well as he spewed out random "baby talk" antics to this thing, Annie decided she apparently didn't like me. Annie was eyeing me down with her beady little eyes and I was giving her THE LOOK right back. Annie swoops off, not like a "pretty little girlie" and flies at me going for my head! At this time I proceeded to lie on the bed and pull the blanket over my head, swearing to myself that I was NEVER drinking again and I should try celibacy.
Now, instead of, I don't know, GETTING THE BIRD AWAY FROM ME, this creep calmly says, "Oh, Annie is upset because you are laying on her pillow. You should move over."
"You let your bird sleep in your bed?!!?"
"Why of course! She is my BAAAAYBAAAY, aren't you, Miss Prettiest Bird in the World!?!? Do you like daddy's new girlfriend??!" At this point, I managed to escape the entanglement of the bed sheets and got up and out of the bed. I was then RUNNING out the door and didn't care that I didn't have my shoes on in the middle of a Chicago January. I was deathly afraid I was going to end up in a hole with Precious tossing me a bottle of lotion to rub on my skin.
Yeah, he didn't get laid. THANK GOD!!!!!
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Submitted by Jimmy, Age 22, Salt Lake City, UT
So I’m from Salt Lake City, UT. You may have heard rumors about this place. Despite what you have heard, one thing Salt Lake City is known for is getting some ‘hanky panky.’ However, I’m still 22 years old and still haven’t had the opportunity to get some–until just the other night.
My friend was hosting a ‘back to school’ party last weekend. He and a bunch of my friends are off to college and so they threw one last rager before moving away. They had jungle juice, jello shots and all the food you could eat. I figured I better eat something if I’m going to drink with them. So they grilled up some burgers and dogs and I had like 4 hot dogs. Anyway, this girl, (we’ll name her…Beth) comes in, and I’m introduced to her by my friends at the party. They’ve been feeling bad for me cause I’m the only one who hasn’t gotten busy yet. My friends tell me that hooking up with her is like ’shooting fish in a barrel.’ And I’ll admit, she’s not the best looker in the bunch, but she sure has a great body. She starts off by pouring me a huge glass of jungle juice. I don’t drink much but I figured, “Why not?” She proceeds to ask me all sorts of questions about myself…Then I realize my friends have put her up to this. I mean, I know that she’s had sex with basically everyone there. I’ve heard the stories. Is it really my turn to get some?
Well to make a long story short, we drank more jungle juice–and more and more! Next thing you know, I had completely blacked out but somehow wandered into a strange bedroom with her. When I suddenly came too, it was dark and the only thing I could smell was her nasty perfume and suddenly…I threw up. She screams in horror and turns on the lights. My pants were down and she was already half naked! But as I looked across the bed, I threw up a bunch of hot dogs and juice and she was horrified. She basically threw her clothes on and ran out of the room. It was all of a sudden!
So if you want to know how not to get laid, don’t eat a bunch of hot dogs then follow it up with Jungle juice. No matter who you are..that will just extinguish any attempt to get some.
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Submitted by Clark
I was 23 and in my final year of university. I had a couple classes with this quirky little goth chick who had huge boobs. She worked out like maniac because she loved to ogle herself in corsets, and once she told me that, I figured it would be great to eventually see that myself.
We met up at a diner so that she could help me with the final project in a media course I had been skipping. When we left, she just followed me home without asking or being invited.
I took that as a pretty obvious sign and immediately changed body language on the elevator. On the couch, I just blurted out “you have a nice ass, let me feel it,” and she obligingly stood up and turned around so that I could do so. I proceeded to basically feel up her entire body, and it was pretty nice and erotic.
The I smelled her breath. It smelled like she had a piece of rotting meat stuck in her teeth from a few meals ago. You know that smell you sometimes get on your dental floss that makes you want to vomit? I was immediately turned off.
At the time I was a bit depressed, so I didn’t just get turned off but immediately just wanted to sleep for a few hours and forget the whole situation.
I told her I had to crash immediately, and she said she wanted to take a nap too. Obviously she meant let’s go have sex in your bed, but I acted as if I took her literally, and said, okay, well you hit the couch and that way you don’t have to wake me up as you leave.
That was kind of awkward. I left her in my living room and got into bed naked. After a couple minutes she came in and stood next to my bed. It was so clear that she wanted me to nail her, but I was just so turned off by the breath thing. I considered being honest with her for a moment but I knew that could lead to no good.
So I was lying on my back naked in bed, and this pretty hot little redhead was standing there in the darkness. Suddenly she reached out her hand and started feeling up my arms and shoulders. “You have awesome muscles”, she said. Then she started to slide her hand down my chest towards my stomach. I was completely limp, which if you know me should tell you how oddly turned off I was.
I grabbed her wrist and said I was feeling almost faint I was so tired and if it was okay I was just going to fall asleep right away. She said “uhhhh, okay…” and went for a nap on the couch, I guess either to hold up the pretense or maybe see if I would change my mind and come get her. As soon as I heard her leave about an hour later, I got out of bed and went about my business.
I still feel bad about that, because I actually liked this girl and she was super hot. I also realize that she probably didn’t have bad hygiene in general, just got unlucky. Hell I was probably smelling her stomach acid because she was starving herself for her crazy hot little body.
Damn!
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Submitted by Cleanup man, Age 49, Denver suburbs
Just found this site and thought I’d confess a story that NOBODY knows. It happened freshman year of college.
We went to another school to meet girls and one came back to my dorm room with me. I was a virgin when I went off to college but had been doing pretty well in catching up to my slow start.
We had been drinking heavily and the last thing I recall is sitting down on the bed with her.
When I awoke from my drunken stupor in the morning, she was gone. My underwear was gone, yet my jeans were fully zipped and buttoned.
As I puzzled through that concept, I turned and looked at my dorm floor and there sat a pile of feces in a large golden pool.
I have no idea what the hell happened or why she crapped on my floor. But I sure cleaned it up before my roommate got back.
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Submitted by Too much head, Age 24
This isn’t a story of how not to get laid, this is a story about how not to get laid a second time.
I had a crush on this guy, small one, but a crush. He made me laugh. And he was always talking about how long it’d been since he had sex. So I decided to sleep with him. I offered him a place to stay when he was in town, did a little flirting, and then he was off. He took my pants down, and proceeded to rub the top of his bald head against my vagina. I was not sure how to respond, so I just sort of laid there. Then he started having sex… I’d say with me, but he didn’t look at me, talk to me, pretty much ignored I was there. I started to have a panic attack, so I asked him to stop for a moment. He did. Then he started again. I asked again, for him to stop. He did, then immediately started again. I finally pushed him away, rather freaked out and feeling like a sex doll rather than a person, and told him I was done for the night. He shrugged, and started finishing himself off, on my breasts, while I was crying.
His advances the next morning were met with complete disapproval, and I finally had to be blunt. “I am never sleeping with you again.”
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Submitted by lola, age 35, mouseville, FL
I had been married for eight years when my husband up & left for… I dunno, greener pastures or something. I was a 32yo MILF who’d finished licking her wounds and crying like a whipped puppy, and had found a great 21yo guy online. Before you pass judgment and make all the “cougar” comments, we were together for a year before I reconciled with my husband. I was only hoping for something casual, too, and got a bit more.
We met on the world of internet dating, and he sent me pics of himself when he was in the Israeli army at the age of 18. I thought that the pics were no more than a year old as he’d just moved to the States. We decided on a chain restaurant known for its great drinks, and met. He was easily 45 pounds heavier than in the pics, but I was OK and decided not to bail on him.
I still wasn’t sold all the way through dinner, but then he flipped the Sex Switch and did the whole “Don Juan DeMarco Finger Trick” (just look for the “restaurant scene” and you’ll know what I’m talking about) and we were back off to his place as soon as I screamed, “CHECK, PLEASE!”
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Submitted by “I don’t wanna talk about it,” Age 24, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
I’m not sure how to describe the place. It was a typical street outside a bar that played loud heavy-metal music and was packed with depressed teenager in black, which I was at the time. I was there sharing beers with a friend. While I was still sober, a girl came to talk to me and said she thought I was cute.
I didn’t respond. Not that I was embarrassed or anything, but I didn’t find her very attractive.
In response to my silence she said, “You don’t liked me. Okay,†and left.
Many beers later (and I do mean MANY) I saw the same girl and told my friend “She’s ugly as hell, but I’ll take her.†I tapped my friend on the shoulder and went to talk to her. I don’t think she gave me time to finish a whole sentence before kissing me. After this kiss, she took me by the arm, heading to the corner.
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(6 votes, average: 4.67 out of 5)
(55 votes, average: 4.18 out of 5)