High School » How Not To Get Laid

Braking the Rules

Cars, Guy Story - No Sex for Guy, High School, How Not To Get Laid, Humiliation, Virginity 7 Responses »

Apr 212007

Submitted by Paul, Age 36, Baltimore, MD

I’m in high school. My girlfriend Laura is driving. She parks her Toyota on top of a hill in the middle of the woods. You could call this make-out point except I don’t think anyone else knows about this place except us. At last, we’re alone, two virgins, and the moment is right.

We start making out furiously, and it’s the greatest thing I’ve ever experienced in my 17 years on earth. So hot. So incredibly hot. The parking brake keeps poking me in the side, but I push it down; nothing is getting in between Laura and me now. I climb on top of her, and our limbs intertwine with a passion I’ve only dreamed about up until that point.

… which is probably why neither of us noticed the car slowly rolling backwards. Until …

“Holy shit!”

Suddenly, the Toyota is in the woods and rolling backwards downhill — FAST! God bless, Laura, her foot somehow found the brake before we killed ourselves. But not before the rear of the car had sustained major damage. We came to rest with the back fender hooked around a tree trunk, and we were stuck.

Laura tried starting the car, I got out and pushed, but it was muddy and the car was not going anywhere. For a fleeting moment I thought, “hey we’re stuck, we might as well have the sex we were planning on having anyway,” but one look at Laura’s panic-stricken face and I wisely shelved that plan. The rest of the night only got worse. We had to walk for three miles to find a house where we could call our parents, who then called the police and a tow truck. We gave elaborate explanations for how we happened to be stranded in the woods so suspiciously, so late at night, but it couldn’t have been too hard for anyone to guess what had really happened. We were both grounded for a teenage eternity, forced to pay for repairs, and prevented from seeing each other for so long that it would be more than six months before we finally managed to have sex with each other.

The Eastern Hot-Bellied Hinter

Drugs/Alcohol, Guy Story - No Sex for Guy, High School, How Not To Get Laid, Lack of Balls, On Being Good, Virginity 1,326 Responses »

Apr 032007

(Our 50th story AND our first one from The Netherlands! Enjoy. — SF)

Submitted by Oblivious, 25, The Netherlands

So I was like 18 or 19, in high school, and green as they come when it came to sex. I was also shy of ladies, *very* shy. We are talking “blush from hell” shy when I had to face a girl I liked.
Then there was this girl, who was half arabian and half asian. I wasn’t madly in love with her or anything, but I’d file no complaint were she to invite me over to her place, if you catch my drift. I always had a thing for foreign girls, and she did fit the profile alright. Okay, perhaps I had a bit of a thing for her, I’ll admit.

In school we had these designated study hours, and we wrote letters sometimes to pass the boring hours. One day I let the innocent and shy thing work for me, and wrote her a question “innocently” asking whether the women’s body really did react in a certain way to air conditioning on a hot day (like I didn’t know). To my suprise I got a semi-embarrassed smile delivered with the note that came back to me, which indeed contained an honest answer. Perhaps I should have taken that as a sign that she was interrested, but innocent as I was, I didn’t have a clue. Or perhaps she was just embarrassed by the sudden nature of the question. I never was good at picking up signals from girls.

High School Crushed

Foot In Mouth, Girl Story - No Sex for Guy, High School, How Not To Get Laid 1 Response »

Mar 162007

(Two women’s stories in a row? Both by women named “Sue”? From two different continents? No, it’s not impossible. Happy early St. Patrick’s Day. — SF)

Submitted by Sue, Boulder, CO

Bear with me, there is a bit of backstory here…

My second day of Freshman year in high school was coming to an end. I met my friend Sharin in the hall, and she excitedly told me about this incredibly hot guy she’d seen in the hall. As luck would have it, he passed by and she nudged me, whispering “That’s him!”.

Oh my gods. He was gorgeous. I fell, and fell hard.

As time went on, I discovered his name was Alex and he was a year ahead of Sharin and I. Back then, I was terribly, painfully shy and couldn’t even bring myself to say hello to him. He even was in my Chemistry class one year, and I still never even said a word to him; the power of speech fled whenever I got within a few feet of him. So I adored him from afar for three years until he graduated. I figured I would never see him again.

When I Pitched a Tent

Guy Story - No Sex for Guy, High School, How Not To Get Laid, Humiliation, Travel, Virginity 3 Responses »

Feb 262007

I went on a cross-country teen tour for a couple summers in high school, and the second time around, I got lucky. Her name was Amber, and she was a total firecracker of a girlfriend: hot, adventurous, and horny, every high school boy’s fantasy. Problem was, this tour was heavily chaperoned, and finding time alone with Amber was difficult. Most nights, we stayed at youth hostels or in cabins, and the boys and girls were strictly separated. But as luck would have it, we had a couple nights ahead of camping in the woods. An ingenious plan was hatched.

Amber would be spending the night in a two person tent with her friend Sara, who just happened to be going out with my friend and tent-mate Matt. We agreed that at two in the morning, after everyone was asleep, Maria would slip out of her tent and sneak into ours. I would then sneak into Amber’s tent, and the two couples would spend the next three hours getting down and dirty. Condoms were purchased in anticipation of the campout, and the four of us could hardly contain our excitement.

Always Use the Rubber Tongs

Guy Story - No Sex for Guy, High School, How Not To Get Laid, Humiliation, Icky and/or Gross, Virginity 2 Responses »

Jan 012007

I was a junior in high school dating a senior. She was a cheerleader and very cool. I was a good athlete, which helped my social status. But I also suffered from chronic dork-dom and occasional episodes of buffoonery, which didn’t. I knew it was only a matter of time before she realized this and dumped me.

I had to act fast.

Sadly, knowing I had to act fast and actually doing it are two very different things. The chance to finally lose my virginity was there, but the window of opportunity would not be open long. Weeks went by and so did the bases. First. Second. Third was discussed, which was pretty good for me. I felt that getting to third base pretty much made home plate a foregone conclusion (Years of experience would later prove this not to be the case, but I didn’t know that then).

One Sunday night, she casually suggested that I come to her house to study that Thursday, coyly tossing out the fact that her parents would be at the movies. I managed to coyly ask if there was a chance that we may do more than study and she coyly responded “Maybe.” We were both being very coy and, looking back, it’s a little nauseating. But at the time, it was riveting and totally hot.

Monday passed. And Tuesday. Each day there would be piercing gazes in the halls and evening phone conversations about Thursday.

Thursday. It shined like a beacon on a cold, virginal night.