Archive for the 'High School' Category
Submitted by Scarlet, Age 18, Chandler, Arizona
While this is not a story of how not to get laid, it is a great story of how not to treat girls after sex and how not to be an idiot.
The past June, one of the school clubs went on a competition-based trip to Baltimore, Maryland. Among the students on this trip was my ex-boyfriend (even at the time) and me. Apparently, there was still something between us and eventually, he confessed his interest in a physical relationship for the duration of the trip. Obviously, I was still emotionally attached to him after he broke up with me and rocked my world so horridly; I went along with it, eager to just be with him. Both of us were virgins, but had pretty much done everything short of sex before. Some time near the end of the trip, we started getting into heavy petting and fooling around. Just earlier that day, I had the foresight to go out to the nearest convenience store and buy a pack of condoms, and at the end of the night, we had made use of that purchase. After about a minute of intercourse, he had finished and immediately set upon destroying all evidence of our coupling.
He quickly got dressed, took the condom wrapper and condom and threw them away in a trash can outside near the parking lot, and came back to make sure there were no visible bodily fluids (namely blood) left anywhere. All I could do was watch as he just turned sex into some means of satisfying himself and treating me like an object unworthy of attention and tenderness afterward. He instructed me to never tell anyone what happened and left me in the hotel room alone. To his credit, he did invite me to his room to watch TV afterward, but he had still ruined my first time. After this encounter, his behavior and attitude towards the whole ordeal finally made me realize he was never worth the time and effort. Oh, the worst part, we both had significant others at the time.
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Submitted by Christy, Age 25, Detroit
I was pleased as punch to run into my big high school crush last year and find that he was really into me too. It seemed so perfect! No awkward first date jitters or stilted conversation - we already knew each other! We could barely keep our hands off each other, and sped through dinner so we could cut to the chase, head back to his place, and hit the sheets. It was going swimmingly. He was sexy, he was smooth, he was skilled.
And then… it went wrong. So, so wrong.
As he unrolls a condom over himself, he tells me, giddy with excitement, “My mom is going to be so happy to hear about this when I call her tomorrow!”
Absolute buzzkill…
Why pick *that* moment to mention he’s going to call his mom to tell her all about our hookup?? (and who calls their mom to tell them this kind of thing, anyway?)
Seriously. How not to get laid? Just keep yapping about your mom while you’re in the sack. It will prevent you from getting laid each and every time.
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Submitted by Will, Age 35, Atlanta
So it’s my senior year and my high school girlfriend and I had been having hot and heavy makeout sessions for months - 2 or 3 hours of “heavy petting” that drove us both insane…alas this was before oral sex became so common so never any relief!
So one night around 11:30pm we’re at my house with my parents out of town she tells me “I’m ready! I want you inside me!!!” No objections on my part of course and I prepared to finally get on the scoreboard.
But then as I am shifting positions to get on top of her she thinks to ask me “hey what time is it?” I answer 11:30 and we both immediately sighed as her curfew was midnight and she lived about 25 minutes away.
So we reluctantly dress and are almost to her house, still frisky of course, and she suddenly exclaims “oh wait we turn back the clocks an hour tonight” This was relevant only because her much older parents usually went to bed around 10pm and were 100% the type to have changed their clocks before going to bed.
Unfortunately we realized that even with the bonus hour by the time we got back to my house it would almost be time to turn around and go back again…curses!
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Submitted by Da Man, Age 17
The most stupid thing I’ve ever done. I had a crush on this girl and invited her to a party I gave. I didn’t want to get with her at that party; all I cared about was to have fun, and the funny thing about women is… they love it when you don’t give them all your attention…
Well, at the end of the party, she was pretty much into me, and I brought her to a bus stop where her father was going to pick her up. I was about to kiss her, when her father came, and she wanted to stop the kiss, but I was going into her. The father, a conservative, came out and screamed at me: I should lay my hands off his daughter. I told him to fuck off and continued to kiss her when she slapped me. End of story was that I called her a bitch and then had to run away from her really tall father.
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Submitted by Lauren, Age 21, Toronto
When I was in my last year of high school, a very sexy older boy asked me out. Naturally, I accepted. It is a mark of prestige, attractiveness and intelligence for a high school girl to be with a university boy.
We began dating. We didn’t go far for months, never getting past ‘first base’. However, I was crazy about him, and he about me. I decided that he was the one I would “lose it” to. And, being an inexperienced virgin, I set out to create the perfect night for us to “physically express our love” (as I delicately described it to my equally inexperienced friends).
I invited him to my home one night when I knew my family would be gone. I went out, bought special underwear, soft sexy music, candles, the whole shtick. It was going to be beautiful and perfect.
Or so I thought.
He came over. I immediately steered him to the bedroom. The carefully planned ambiance tipped him off to my intention. We began kissing and fondling each other, slowly rounding out the bases.
I was pleased that everything was going so well. I was turned on, ready. He began breathing heavily and whispering sexy nothings in my ear.
Then it happened.
He said “I want you so badly”. which, in itself, is not a bad thing to say. Except that he said it in a baby voice. I’m talking five year old with a lisp baby voice: “I want you so badwy”. A little, horny Elmer Fudd. It caught me off-guard, but I decided to ignore it.
I suppose my silence read as an indication that I liked dirty baby talk. He started saying dirtier and dirtier things and I grew more and more disturbed. The deal breaker was “I wanna spwit you open wif my cock”. At that point, I rolled off him and said I was “too nervous” to continue. It seemed like a backhanded way to compliment him and to get out of sex with little explanation. In reality I was just too creeped out and turned off.
For several days, every time we interacted, all I could think about was “I wanna spwit you open wif my cock”.
The relationship didn’t survive.
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Submitted by Eve
When I was in high school, I was an athletic girl and was on some sports teams. Note: I am not petite, but still, sports are my thing, so I’m not fat or anything.
Then came graduation. I wore a stunning brown dress, and normally I wouldn’t have considered wearing something with that much cleavage, but, I figured, it’s my graduation, I’ll never see these people again, and now I can show off something other than my school/athletic skills. So, ok, graduation.
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Submitted by J. Wordsworth, Age 26, Seattle
I was a freshman in high school. I was 6′3″, skinny, wore glasses and took AP and honors classes. As you can imagine, I was completely inept when it came to girls. Utterly incompetent. I was incapable of saying anything remotely intelligent. I was also painfully aware of how awkward I was, which was a vicious cycle as far as my penis was concerned.
In my biology class I noticed this girl. She was attractive, and more importantly, she talked to me. More accurately, she had to talk to me as she was my lab partner. She was into drama and also ballet. I didn’t know why I was drawn to a girl with demonstrated flexibility at the time; I just vaguely knew that it was good for a girl to be flexible (probably natural male instinct). She also had a car. And a license. I was 15 and had neither. Perfect scenario for me.
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Submitted by Sally, Age 30, New York, NY
I was on my first date with Cliff. He was a former bad boy with the sort of good looks that had surely led many girls astray. But he’d cleaned up his act in the last decade, at least that was the story: he’d gotten off drugs, gone straight, headed back to school, and gotten his real estate license. Now he was doing quite well for himself as a real estate agent, and seemed like a fine catch.
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(4.62 out of 5)
