Went home with a girl from a bar one night and started getting down and dirty. I was completely drunk and suddenly realized that there was another bloke in the room, asleep on her floor. I asked her who it was, and she said, “it’s just my little brother who’s visiting from out of town.” That sort of killed the moment, as all I could think of is how angry I would be if I woke up and found my sister having sex with some random bloke. I got her to give me a blowjob instead, which was completely crap.
The next day I told my friend that I got a subpar blowjob from this girl, and he has told everyone, so now I have people I’ve never met before coming up to me and asking if I’m the guy who received the subpar blowjob.
Submitted by Alistair, United Kingdom
I had just moved out of my old apartment, but due to some poor planning, my roommate and I weren’t able to get a subletter and ended up paying rent on two places for a month. My wallet still hates me. My roommate had already moved across country, but I was still in the same city, so I planned a party on the final Saturday of our old lease. Since my former landlords were douches (for lack of a term which means more-douchey-than-douches), and since I didn’t have to pay a deposit on that place, I had no qualms inviting over 300 people, supplying a ton of booze, hiring a DJ, and throwing it down in the most down-throwingest style I could. When life hands you lemons, you throw a fucking party and serve the lemons with Jose Cuervo!
A few days before the party, I footed it over to the local pub to down a hard cider (what? I like cider!) and watch a little baseball. The regular drunken clientele were there, but there was also a new woman who appeared to be friendly with the bartender (always good), so I started up the chit-chat with her.
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