Archive for the 'Girl Story - No Sex for Guy' Category
Submitted by Lynn, Age 36, Atlanta, GA
It was an evening of firsts. The first date since my divorce, the first with a gentleman I’d met online, and the first with a man over forty. He seemed great on paper: tall, chiseled face, a banker. But from the moment we said hello, I could tell there was something not quite right about him. When browsing his online profile one last time before our date, I wondered: how does a man like this get to be forty-three without ever being married? I soon found out.
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(I find it curious that, all of a sudden, most of my stories seem to be coming from women. Will this trend continue? Or will the boys start fessing up to their mistakes again? Anyhow, here’s another international entry for you. This story is a little racy and all sorts of wrong, but who am I to judge? Enjoy. — SF)
Submitted by Alexandria, Age 21, London
This actually happened! I still find myself wondering if it really happened or if I just made it up. A bunch of years ago when I was sixteen, I’d made it into a night club. Two years before I was supposed to get in there. The bouncer had been more interested in looking at my boobs than my ID.
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Submitted by Mortality, Age 18, Sweden
I was on vacation with my family about a year and a half ago. I was still a virgin then, and I’d started talking and flirting with this guy.
On my last night there, he snuck into my hotel room.
So we made out and pretty soon all the clothes were on the floor.
Why no sex? He didn’t bring any condoms, and even though he said he’d pull out before he came so I wouldn’t get pregnant, I didn’t want to. Who knew where he’d been?
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Submitted by “Tall Girl”
I’m 6′3″. He’s 6′2″. We’re making out.
He says, “This is great. You know, I’ve never slept with a girl who is taller than me.”
“Well, you haven’t yet,” I say.
“Oh, I will. Definitely,” he says, his confidence suddenly taking on a creepy tone.
“Really?”
“Oh, yes.”
“And what makes you so sure?” I ask.
“Well, because I’m tall and charming and good looking. And you’re . . . tall . . .”
“Yes? And?”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that the way it came out,” he sputters. “It’s just . . .”
“Yes?”
“Well, you’re a big girl, that’s all. And let’s be honest: I doubt that guys like me come along very often for you. Guys of my size, that is . . . Who are interested . . . You know what I mean.”
Unfortunately, I do know what he means. I tell him:
“No, you’re absolutely right. It’s very unusual for me to sleep with a guy as small as you. Unusual and unlikely.”
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(After an unexpectedly slow month, I’ve gotten a few good stories in my inbox this week. Here’s a tale I like a lot, and it should serve as a reminder that one needn’t have personally experienced an HNTGL moment to share it with the world. Please do keep those stories coming in and keep spreading the word about my mission [Thanks to all the new folks who have blogrolled me in the last few months! You rule!]. Remember, I can only post stories when I’m getting them in, so click HERE to share yours today. Okay, enough guilt-tripping, you know I love you all. On with the show! — SF)
Submitted by the friend-of-a-friend, Age 29, NYC
There are always these urban legend stories that “happened to a friend-of-a-friend”, but couldn’t possibly *really* be true. This is one of those stories.
Basically, she meets a guy. They go on a date. Maybe a few. Things are going well. They wind up at her place. Making out. He goes for her bra… and…
HE TRIES TO TAKE HER BRA OFF OVER HER HEAD.
To hear her tell it, this was not one of those front-clasp deals that we understand guys might get a little confused by. Just standard issue; it apparently just never occurred to him that the darn things fasten in the back. Or at all, really.
Boys, don’t try this at home. She mercifully refrained from laughter and unhooked it herself, but not before he nearly threw her neck out.
Needless to say, the night ended early, and she never went out with him again.
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Submitted by Sarah
So, after a somewhat promising email chain, I finally went on a date with the guy I’ll call Train Wreck.
In a period of an hour or less, he proceeded to do / ask me / tell me all of the following things:
1. He’s so glad that he joined a fraternity in college so that he could finally lose his virginity at 22. (This is in itself, not horrible, but something you keep to yourself.)
2. He injected himself with insulin at the table, and didn’t ask / mention what he was doing, or why, and then got irritated when I inquired as to his intravenous drug use.
3. Asked if my breasts were real.
4. Asked if I had an STD. Because apparently all the girls he had met from the internet had had STD’s lately.
Seriously, as little interest as I had had before, he really hit it out of the park and out of anywhere near getting into my pants. CLASSY!
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Submitted by Mindy, Age 33, Hoboken, NJ
Here’s a great way not to get laid, guys: Don’t cut your fingernails. I once went out on a date with a fellow whose fingernails were longer than mine. I even said yes to a second date because he was otherwise so charming. I hoped that by the second date he’d have done some trimming, but no such luck! It was gross. When he tried to get physical, I said “No Way Jose.”
Then there was the guy who didn’t like to shower, but that’s a whole other story. Where do I find these guys?!
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Submitted by Teri, Age 24, Hialeah, FL
Juan was a dreamboat in his pictures, and our online flirtation got pretty serious pretty quick. We talked on the phone and planned our date, and he was pitch perfect: confident, cool, and funny. He gave very good phone. He was going to pick me up from my apartment at 6pm, and we were going to go the beach to catch some dinner.
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Submitted by Sally, Age 30, New York, NY
I was on my first date with Cliff. He was a former bad boy with the sort of good looks that had surely led many girls astray. But he’d cleaned up his act in the last decade, at least that was the story: he’d gotten off drugs, gone straight, headed back to school, and gotten his real estate license. Now he was doing quite well for himself as a real estate agent, and seemed like a fine catch.
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Submitted by Sarah, Age 31, Philadelphia, PA
I met this marine biologist (yes, a marine biologist!) on match.com, and he seemed like a real catch: cute, funny, sincere. We exchanged a few emails, then he left town for a month on some research expedition before we could actually meet. While he was away, he emailed me, and I emailed him back. Soon, it got to the point where we were writing each other pretty much every day. It was fun and exciting to have this romantic pen-pal, and we both looked forward to finally meeting once he returned to town.
On date night, he arrived at my apartment ten minutes early. There was a little surprise on my part when I first opened the door. He wasn’t bad-looking exactly, but his internet picture was definitely a best-case scenario. So…no instant fireworks, but that was okay. I felt I had a good guy here, and I needed to give him the benefit of the doubt.
But first, I had to finish getting ready. I excused myself and returned to the bathroom. When I opened the door five minutes later, I found him leaning against the sofa waiting for me — BUCK NAKED.
“I just couldn’t wait any longer,” he said.
I suppose I should have been scared or freaked, but for whatever reason, I just cracked up. He looked ridiculous standing there with his average schlub body, naked as a jaybird. It struck me as really silly, and I could not stop laughing. He got VERY red in the face, colossally embarrassed. For some reason, I said, “no, it’s not you” — but of course it totally was.
He put on his clothes with great speed, and apologized profusely. Neither of us quite knew what to do at that point, so we ended up going to dinner as originally planned. The rest of the date wasn’t technically awful, but his bold disrobing cast a pall of embarrassment over the whole affair, and I was very happy when we skipped desert and said an early goodnight.
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Submitted by Kayla, Age 28, San Francisco
A couple years ago, I met this guy online. He seemed real funny and gave good e-mail. I was excited for our first date. We met at an Italian restaurant, and he looked gorgeous. So far, so good.
“So how was your day?”
Here’s where he screws it up. He starts telling me about going to the doctor that day for an STD test. Yes, that’s right. He made sure to explain that he was 99.99% sure he was fine. He heard from a friend that a girl he was with three years ago now had gonorrhea, and even though he had no symptoms, even though this girl used to be real innocent when she dated him and subsequently turned into a slut, even though he had no real reason to believe he had an STD, he just wanted to make sure. He tried to make this a humorous anecdote, delivering it in an “aren’t I so edgy and ironic to be talking about STDs on a first date” sort of way. He also seemed to think this story showed how uber-responsible and clean he actually was, that it was a real feather in his cap that he’d just gone for an STD test, even though he didn’t really need to.
Was he a bad guy? No. And I’m sorry if I sound judgmental, but the moment he said the word “gonorrhea,” my vagina closed up shop and the game was over. Guys, just remember, no matter how charming you think you are, there are some things you just don’t mention on a first date.
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Submitted by Allison, Age 23, New York, NY
My first date with “Fred” wasn’t amazing, but it was good enough to warrant a second, and the second was just good enough to warrant a third. I’m pretty picky about guys, and, because I’m aware of how picky I am, I’ll sometimes overcompensate and give a guy a chance even when I secretly know he’s not right. This was the case with Fred. I knew it wasn’t going anywhere, which is sort of why I didn’t put up a huge fight when he insisted on paying for the fancy dinner we ate on date #3.
Throughout dinner, I went back and forth on whether I was going to let Fred get physical with me later. I knew he wanted to pretty badly, and although I knew this couldn’t go much further, he was real pretty, and … did I mention I’m indecisive?
Okay, so he walks me back to my place, and by this point, I’m starting to get tired of his personality and I’m thinking I probably shouldn’t hook up with him. I make my goodbye at the front door kind of hasty, and seeing his chances fly away he makes one last ditch effort: “Do you mind if I use your bathroom quickly?”
Okay. Fine. He gets the invite upstairs. But once he’s done, I pull the “I hate to kick you out but I have to get up real early tomorrow” line, and he’s clearly frustrated. “Oh, man,” he says, “So you’re really kicking me out …” I apologize, but stand firm. He makes no effort to disguise that he’s stewing in his boots now, and he stutters, searching for the right words. Finally he says: “Man! Do you REALIZE how much I spent on dinner?”
I couldn’t believe it. He was trying to make me feel guilty for not hooking up with him, and he actually thought this strategy might change my mind somehow and get me all hot for him. “Um, you can leave now.”
He slammed the door on his way out.
Hey, call me picky, but my instincts are good.
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(24 votes, average: 4.33 out of 5)
(21 votes, average: 4.19 out of 5)