Archive for the 'Crazy Suitor' Category
Submitted by Da Man, Age 17
The most stupid thing I’ve ever done. I had a crush on this girl and invited her to a party I gave. I didn’t want to get with her at that party; all I cared about was to have fun, and the funny thing about women is… they love it when you don’t give them all your attention…
Well, at the end of the party, she was pretty much into me, and I brought her to a bus stop where her father was going to pick her up. I was about to kiss her, when her father came, and she wanted to stop the kiss, but I was going into her. The father, a conservative, came out and screamed at me: I should lay my hands off his daughter. I told him to fuck off and continued to kiss her when she slapped me. End of story was that I called her a bitch and then had to run away from her really tall father.
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Submitted by Eve
When I was in high school, I was an athletic girl and was on some sports teams. Note: I am not petite, but still, sports are my thing, so I’m not fat or anything.
Then came graduation. I wore a stunning brown dress, and normally I wouldn’t have considered wearing something with that much cleavage, but, I figured, it’s my graduation, I’ll never see these people again, and now I can show off something other than my school/athletic skills. So, ok, graduation.
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Submitted by Michael, 19, Helsinki, Finland
For some reason I tend to end up dating girls with some sort of self-issues. Because of this, getting beyond third base is an even bigger leap than usually.
We had gone to bed like so many times before and were doing mutual masturbation. Unfortunately it wasn’t quite mutual. I was doing it fairly right from the sound of it, but her idea of masturbating me was still pretty much grabbing my private parts more than firmly enough and jerking them as if she were trying to pull them loose. It hurt. A lot.
She had self-issues and I tried my best to not fuel them, but I had to stop her. It was simply not enjoyable in even the most remote sense. She burst into tears over it, and what started as a steamy evening ended with me trying to awkwardly comfort a girl who was absolutely convinced she was a complete failure as a woman.
I blame Sex and the City for giving her that idea.
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Submitted by Elizabeth, Age 25, Austin, TX
I was drinking with one of my really good guy friends (or so I thought). In the past we had hooked up. So why not again? I told him to use a condom. In the middle of the deed, he messes up the condom. He tells me “I did not get off,” then asks me “are you on birth control?”
I said “no.” He began grilling me about why I was not on the pill. To me, this is the kind of conversation you only have with someone you are dating. I actually had another condom in my purse, but by this point I was completely and utterly turned off. Then, not once, not twice, but three times he offered to buy me the morning after pill so we could finish having sex.
I had no idea how to respond. Honestly, I have never had a guy suggest that. For the first time in my life, a guy made me speechless. I would expect this kind of behavior from a one night stand but not a friend. So, I got dressed and left. I have not talked to him since. Maybe, eventually, we will be friends again, but the sex thing is a no go.
So boys/men: never offer a girl the morning after pill unless you are in a serious relationship. Practice safe sex and stock up on condoms.
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Submitted by lola harrington, Age 35, Mouseville, FL
it’s the early 90s, and i’m 19 and an undergrad at a college in florida’s capital city. i have broken up with my boyfriend who lived in the same apartment complex, but we still get on really well. so well, in fact, that i hang out at his apartment with his three other roommates. he and i stop sleeping together, but from time to time i sleep with his other two roommates … usually separately. ; )
unfortunately for the third roommate, i’m not into him. he’s overweight, a total loud-mouthed hick, pasty-white, and wore really unattractive glasses. he tried to guilt me into sleeping with him, and then called me a whore when i refused. i explained repeatedly that my involvement with his roommates wasn’t a free-for-all, but a
respectful arrangement that happened when we were available and amenable. guilting me into sex was not going to work, i explained, and neither would flattering me. he STILL didn’t get it. so he tried alcohol.
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Submitted by Lynn, Age 36, Atlanta, GA
It was an evening of firsts. The first date since my divorce, the first with a gentleman I’d met online, and the first with a man over forty. He seemed great on paper: tall, chiseled face, a banker. But from the moment we said hello, I could tell there was something not quite right about him. When browsing his online profile one last time before our date, I wondered: how does a man like this get to be forty-three without ever being married? I soon found out.
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Submitted by Mike, Age 40, Virginia Beach, VA
I was in college and helping to teach a Women’s Self Defense class. We had one girl who was gorgeous. She was known to be a bit flaky in that she would just randomly pick a guy and have sex with him. It was a dice roll when the window would open. So I figured I would try my luck. We talked after class, and I walked her out to her car. She told me to meet her the next day. So the next day we met to hang out a little and then all of a sudden she says let’s go back to my dorm room. I was like “lucky 7″. So we headed back to her room. Only to find her roommate there sick. I have to admit she made every attempt to be nice and get rid of her sick roommate. However, the roommate wasn’t budging. So we left, and about 5 minutes later she just didn’t want to know me. Crap snake eyes.
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Submitted by Mindy, Age 33, Hoboken, NJ
Here’s a great way not to get laid, guys: Don’t cut your fingernails. I once went out on a date with a fellow whose fingernails were longer than mine. I even said yes to a second date because he was otherwise so charming. I hoped that by the second date he’d have done some trimming, but no such luck! It was gross. When he tried to get physical, I said “No Way Jose.”
Then there was the guy who didn’t like to shower, but that’s a whole other story. Where do I find these guys?!
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Submitted by Sally, Age 30, New York, NY
I was on my first date with Cliff. He was a former bad boy with the sort of good looks that had surely led many girls astray. But he’d cleaned up his act in the last decade, at least that was the story: he’d gotten off drugs, gone straight, headed back to school, and gotten his real estate license. Now he was doing quite well for himself as a real estate agent, and seemed like a fine catch.
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Submitted by J.E., Age 33, Seattle
Right after our second hook-up we had a brief discussion. Still laying in bed, this is how the conversation went.
Her: Do you have anything I need to be worried about? (e.g. an STD)
Me: Uh, no. (Wondering where this question is coming from)
Her: Well, you always wear a condom. They irritate my skin.
Me: Are you on the pill?
Her: No…I thought you could just pull out.
Me: Uh, well, you should probably get on the pill then. (Wondering what in the hell this girl is thinking?!)
Her: That’s probably a good idea. I should talk to my doctor.
I’m still not sure what was going through her mind. But this episode screamed entrapment. And I wasn’t going to stick around for a third installment to find out.
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Submitted by Sarah, Age 31, Philadelphia, PA
I met this marine biologist (yes, a marine biologist!) on match.com, and he seemed like a real catch: cute, funny, sincere. We exchanged a few emails, then he left town for a month on some research expedition before we could actually meet. While he was away, he emailed me, and I emailed him back. Soon, it got to the point where we were writing each other pretty much every day. It was fun and exciting to have this romantic pen-pal, and we both looked forward to finally meeting once he returned to town.
On date night, he arrived at my apartment ten minutes early. There was a little surprise on my part when I first opened the door. He wasn’t bad-looking exactly, but his internet picture was definitely a best-case scenario. So…no instant fireworks, but that was okay. I felt I had a good guy here, and I needed to give him the benefit of the doubt.
But first, I had to finish getting ready. I excused myself and returned to the bathroom. When I opened the door five minutes later, I found him leaning against the sofa waiting for me — BUCK NAKED.
“I just couldn’t wait any longer,” he said.
I suppose I should have been scared or freaked, but for whatever reason, I just cracked up. He looked ridiculous standing there with his average schlub body, naked as a jaybird. It struck me as really silly, and I could not stop laughing. He got VERY red in the face, colossally embarrassed. For some reason, I said, “no, it’s not you” — but of course it totally was.
He put on his clothes with great speed, and apologized profusely. Neither of us quite knew what to do at that point, so we ended up going to dinner as originally planned. The rest of the date wasn’t technically awful, but his bold disrobing cast a pall of embarrassment over the whole affair, and I was very happy when we skipped desert and said an early goodnight.
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Submitted by Roger, Age 25, Boston, MA
So you know the theory that we’re all a certain percentage gay and a certain percentage straight? I subscribe to this theory, and I’d describe myself as mostly straight in a 60%/40% way. This means I’m attracted to pretty much anyone good looking regardless of gender, but (after a brief phase of experimentation in my younger years) I prefer and date only women.
This is not something I advertise when dating women, and I only bring it up after we’ve been dating a while – and then, only tactfully. No big deal. Except this one time.
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