One Moment of Silence

Cars, College, Drugs/Alcohol, Foot In Mouth, Girl Story - No Sex for Girl, How Not To Get Laid, Lack of Balls 4 Responses »
Feb 102008

Submitted by Michelle, Age 20, California

I was in college (this was not too long ago), and I was doing some volunteering through school. I gave rides from the work site to the school for a few weeks. Usually I got stuck with two annoying girls and this one good looking guy. I was shy so we all just talked about music. The last week, the girls don’t show, and I tell the guy that he looks like one of those kids who gets stoned right before class. He said he did that in high school and asked me if I did too. I am hung over from the night before (and that is another how not to get laid story) and I decide to practice some flirting on him since this is the last time I am volunteering (which means the last time I will see him). So I decide to tell him that all I did in high school was have sex. I told him how I probably had sex more times than he got high (I left out that it was with one boy and I haven’t done it since). He seems shocked, and I feel stupid, but we are almost back to school. Then, just as I am pulling up to the parking spot, he says, “I have an hour before class. Want to go to my dorm?” Suddenly, what I have been hoping for has come to pass, but I can not get myself to say a word. I am speechless. And he just says, “That’s okay,” and gets out of the car and walks away. And I bang my head against the wheel and go, “why?!?!”

Posted by StewFox at 1:14 pm

Dirty Boy is All Thumbs

College, Crazy Suitor, Drugs/Alcohol, Girl Story - No Sex for Guy, How Not To Get Laid, Humiliation, Icky and/or Gross, Lothario Story 7 Responses »
Dec 042007

Submitted by lola harrington, Age 35, Mouseville, FL

it’s the early 90s, and i’m 19 and an undergrad at a college in florida’s capital city. i have broken up with my boyfriend who lived in the same apartment complex, but we still get on really well. so well, in fact, that i hang out at his apartment with his three other roommates. he and i stop sleeping together, but from time to time i sleep with his other two roommates … usually separately. ; )

unfortunately for the third roommate, i’m not into him. he’s overweight, a total loud-mouthed hick, pasty-white, and wore really unattractive glasses. he tried to guilt me into sleeping with him, and then called me a whore when i refused. i explained repeatedly that my involvement with his roommates wasn’t a free-for-all, but a
respectful arrangement that happened when we were available and amenable. guilting me into sex was not going to work, i explained, and neither would flattering me. he STILL didn’t get it. so he tried alcohol.

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Posted by StewFox at 11:11 pm

Do I Have To Spell It Out For You?

College, Foot In Mouth, Guy Story - No Sex for Guy, How Not To Get Laid, Lack of Balls 1 Response »
Oct 242007

Submitted by Jackson, Age 25, Philadelphia, PA

I was two years out of college when I found myself on a date with this younger girl who was still going to school at my alma mater. I’d always thought she was hot, but I was being realistic and not really expecting too much from this date. She seemed like a good girl, and I doubted that she would put out unless she was in a serious relationship (which I was not about to enter into with her). So, I figured my chances of getting play were pretty slim, but I went out with her anyway because she was a nice person and, hey, hope springs eternal, doesn’t it?

It was an enjoyable evening, but nothing to write home about. I had never thought much of those guys who graduate and then stick around school to poach underclass ass rather than moving on with their lives, so I will admit to being a bit self-conscious picking her up and dropping her off from school. When I pulled up in front of her dorm to drop her off after our dinner, I was ready to cut my losses and call it a night. That’s when she invited me up to her dorm to hang out.

“Hang out”? As in: “hang out with all her underclassmen dorm friends and be that lame guy who graduated but still needs to slum at school just to flirt with some girl who isn’t going to give him any action anyway?” No thank you. And if you are screaming right now as you read this, wondering how I could be such an idiot and miss such an obvious invitation for booty, you are absolutely right.

“Do you want to come up to my dorm room and hang out?”
“Oh, man. It’s tempting, but I’m afraid it’s getting late, and I do have to work tomorrow.”
“Are you sure?”

Yes, yes, I know, I know. Sometimes we miss things even when they are staring us right in the face. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I am a moron.

Posted by StewFox at 9:15 pm

Inside Her Mouth

College, Guy Story - No Sex for Girl, Guy Story - No Sex for Guy, How Not To Get Laid, Icky and/or Gross 7 Responses »
Sep 202007

Submitted by Joseph, Age 21, Massachusetts

Sophomore year. I had been flirting with this totally gorgeous girl in my biochem class for months (let’s call her “Dana”), and that flirting had finally paid off. We went together to a concert on campus and were walking back in the direction of our dorms. We were talking about the strangest places we’d ever hooked up with anyone when we passed this row of hedges. Taking my chance, I asked, “have you ever made out with anyone on the other side of that hedge?”

She smiled and shook her head. “Have you?”

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Posted by StewFox at 1:56 pm

Hoping for a Fair Shake

College, Crazy Suitor, Guy Story - No Sex for Guy, How Not To Get Laid 1 Response »
Aug 242007

Submitted by Mike, Age 40, Virginia Beach, VA

I was in college and helping to teach a Women’s Self Defense class. We had one girl who was gorgeous. She was known to be a bit flaky in that she would just randomly pick a guy and have sex with him. It was a dice roll when the window would open. So I figured I would try my luck. We talked after class, and I walked her out to her car. She told me to meet her the next day. So the next day we met to hang out a little and then all of a sudden she says let’s go back to my dorm room. I was like “lucky 7″. So we headed back to her room. Only to find her roommate there sick. I have to admit she made every attempt to be nice and get rid of her sick roommate. However, the roommate wasn’t budging. So we left, and about 5 minutes later she just didn’t want to know me. Crap snake eyes.

Posted by StewFox at 9:10 am

Grasping for Gratitude

College, Foot In Mouth, Guy Story - No Sex for Guy, How Not To Get Laid 1 Response »
Aug 022007

Submitted by Ed, Age 28, NYC

When I was in college I had this big crush on this girl in my psychology class. One day I’m walking to the door and she comes out of it, and she’s kind of standing in the middle of the door, but still holding it open for me, so I have to squeeze by her. And I get nervous and confused whether to say “Excuse me” or “Thank you” and you know what I say?
“Skank.”

That’s what came out. No joke. And she looks at me like I…uh…well…just called her a skank. Which I did. So…I just busted into the room and pretty much had to let that one go. I don’t think there was any recovery from that.

Posted by StewFox at 8:22 pm

What Goes Up . . .

College, Drugs/Alcohol, Guy Story - No Sex for Guy, How Not To Get Laid, Humiliation 3 Responses »
Jul 052007

Submitted by Brian, Age 24, Boston, MA

I’m in college. Diane is the hottest girl I’ve ever dated, and things couldn’t be going better. Tonight is gonna be the night we finally have sex, I just know it! We meet for dinner and drinks. She’s looking fine and so am I. My best friend Becca helped me pick out these uber cool linen pants and I’m wearing my silk boxers for the occasion. Pretty soon, though, I realize the problem with this outfit. I’ve got a hard on that just won’t quit, and there is absolutely NO WAY to hide it. The more I try to talk myself down, the harder I get. We leave dinner and walk across campus. I’m dancing like Michael Jackson to try not to let Diane or anyone else notice the all too obvious bulge in my loose thin slacks.

We hit up a party. There will be many people I know there. This is going to be a disaster. As soon as we enter the door, I manage to slip into a bathroom and take a moment to myself. I’ve tried talking my little friend down, I’ve tried a few drinks. Utterly out of options, I decide to take matters into my own hands and I discreetly whack off into the toilet. There. Problem solved. I wait till my friend is grounded and I reemerge into the party.

But suddenly Diane doesn’t want to stay at the party anymore. She wants to head back to her room. I oblige. Can you see where this is going yet? That’s right. We get undressed, ready to have sex, and I . . . can’t. My drinking has turned me into a one shot wonder, and that one shot was fired back in the bathroom by myself. The ensuing battle with the gods of refractory vengeance was ugly at best. What could I say to Diane? Every excuse sounded lame and was. To make matters worse, this ended up being our last date. I never got a chance to prove to Diane that I actually wasn’t the world’s worst lover. I’ve never been more embarrassed in my life.

Posted by StewFox at 11:11 pm

The Hard Drive of a Player, the Bed of a Gentleman

College, Drugs/Alcohol, Guy Story - No Sex for Guy, How Not To Get Laid, Lack of Balls, On Being Good 2 Responses »
May 152007

Submitted by Drew, Age 21, Toronto

My first week on the campus residence at college was typical: meet a ton of new people, make a ton of new friends, get hammered, and preform various acts of debauchery.

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Posted by StewFox at 11:39 pm
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