Firemen have this problem all the time

College, Girl Story - No Sex for Girl, How Not To Get Laid, Miscellaneous 1 Response »
Oct 202008

Submitted by Linda, Age 29, Los Angeles

It was my first year in the dorms. I was sharing a room with one other girl, and we’d only recently met but were becoming great friends. She kind enough to allow by BF from back home to come stay in our one tiny room for a week long visit.

Well, my beloved came up by bus on the very weekend our two adjacent dorm buildings had been having a fire alarm war. For the unfamiliar, this means a person from building A sneaks into building B in the middle of the night and pulls the fire alarm. Sirens blare in each and every room and everyone must evacuate the building until the campus fire department comes and resets the alarm.

Our first night together in the same bed in months, we waited until my roommate was definitely asleep and we began to ever so slowly snuggle together, getting closer and closer. It was at the exact moment our under-the-covers snuggling crossed the line into “official sex” that the light above the door started flashing and those piercing teeth-gnashing sirens began screaming. I believe I literally felt my BF shrink out and away. We had to pull ourselves together (apart I mean) and pretend to be half asleep like my roommate as we were herded down the stairs and outside into the cold. Needless to say, my BF was a very jumpy guy every time I wanted him to be a very humpy guy after that!

Posted by StewFox at 9:52 pm

College Student Saddened by Hottie's Lack of Hygiene

College, Guy Story - No Sex for Girl, How Not To Get Laid, Icky and/or Gross, Lothario Story 1,900 Responses »
Aug 272008

Submitted by Clark

I was 23 and in my final year of university. I had a couple classes with this quirky little goth chick who had huge boobs. She worked out like maniac because she loved to ogle herself in corsets, and once she told me that, I figured it would be great to eventually see that myself.

We met up at a diner so that she could help me with the final project in a media course I had been skipping. When we left, she just followed me home without asking or being invited.

I took that as a pretty obvious sign and immediately changed body language on the elevator. On the couch, I just blurted out “you have a nice ass, let me feel it,” and she obligingly stood up and turned around so that I could do so. I proceeded to basically feel up her entire body, and it was pretty nice and erotic.

The I smelled her breath. It smelled like she had a piece of rotting meat stuck in her teeth from a few meals ago. You know that smell you sometimes get on your dental floss that makes you want to vomit? I was immediately turned off.

At the time I was a bit depressed, so I didn’t just get turned off but immediately just wanted to sleep for a few hours and forget the whole situation.

I told her I had to crash immediately, and she said she wanted to take a nap too. Obviously she meant let’s go have sex in your bed, but I acted as if I took her literally, and said, okay, well you hit the couch and that way you don’t have to wake me up as you leave.

That was kind of awkward. I left her in my living room and got into bed naked. After a couple minutes she came in and stood next to my bed. It was so clear that she wanted me to nail her, but I was just so turned off by the breath thing. I considered being honest with her for a moment but I knew that could lead to no good.

So I was lying on my back naked in bed, and this pretty hot little redhead was standing there in the darkness. Suddenly she reached out her hand and started feeling up my arms and shoulders. “You have awesome muscles”, she said. Then she started to slide her hand down my chest towards my stomach. I was completely limp, which if you know me should tell you how oddly turned off I was.

I grabbed her wrist and said I was feeling almost faint I was so tired and if it was okay I was just going to fall asleep right away. She said “uhhhh, okay…” and went for a nap on the couch, I guess either to hold up the pretense or maybe see if I would change my mind and come get her. As soon as I heard her leave about an hour later, I got out of bed and went about my business.

I still feel bad about that, because I actually liked this girl and she was super hot. I also realize that she probably didn’t have bad hygiene in general, just got unlucky. Hell I was probably smelling her stomach acid because she was starving herself for her crazy hot little body.

Damn!

Posted by StewFox at 4:12 pm

What are you trying to say exactly?

College, Drugs/Alcohol, Guy Story - No Sex for Guy, How Not To Get Laid, Lack of Balls, On Being Good, Virginity 959 Responses »
Aug 262008

Submitted by Shy Nerd, Age 24, Portland OR

So I entered and exited adolescence a shy, bashful nerdy type who had many chances to get laid and ended up successfully avoiding each one. The funniest story, however, came when I was still a virgin and in college. I had this female friend who I had developed a huge crush on, but I didn’t tell her because I knew she had a long distance boyfriend and I was much too awkward to entertain the idea that someone I was sexually attracted to shared an attraction for me.

We had been friends for a while and sexual tensions developed, but I figured they were all on my end. One night, after a dorm party, we ended up in her room, alone. We sat on her bed and talked for a little while, both a little buzzed from some rotgut vodka. After a short time talking, she gets up and says, “I’m just going to put on some music.” She puts on some soft instrumental music and we continue to sit on the bed. I have a stupid grin on my face (as I usually do) and continue to think about nothing. After a couple minutes of silence, she says “I’m just going to dim the lights.” I continue to sit on the bed and think about nothing.

After a few more minutes of silence, she says “I’m tired. Do you want to lie down?” So we both lay in her bed, and a few more minutes of silence pass by. Slowly, the gears in my head are in motion and I start to wonder if she may have an ulterior motive. After at least five more minutes pass by of us both lying in bed together underneath dimmed lights with soft music playing in the background, she says “Look, maybe we shouldn’t hang out so much anymore. I’m afraid something is going to happen.”

And this is exactly what I thought: “Something was going to happen?”

Posted by StewFox at 11:37 am

A Golden Oldie

College, Crazy Suitor, Drugs/Alcohol, Guy Story - No Sex for Guy, How Not To Get Laid, Icky and/or Gross, Virginity 991 Responses »
Aug 102008

Submitted by Cleanup man, Age 49, Denver suburbs

Just found this site and thought I’d confess a story that NOBODY knows. It happened freshman year of college.

We went to another school to meet girls and one came back to my dorm room with me. I was a virgin when I went off to college but had been doing pretty well in catching up to my slow start.

We had been drinking heavily and the last thing I recall is sitting down on the bed with her.

When I awoke from my drunken stupor in the morning, she was gone. My underwear was gone, yet my jeans were fully zipped and buttoned.

As I puzzled through that concept, I turned and looked at my dorm floor and there sat a pile of feces in a large golden pool.

I have no idea what the hell happened or why she crapped on my floor. But I sure cleaned it up before my roommate got back.

Posted by StewFox at 8:58 am

It Comes With the Package

College, Drugs/Alcohol, Girl Story - No Sex for Guy, How Not To Get Laid, Humiliation, Icky and/or Gross, Lothario Story 2 Responses »
Mar 302008

Submitted by Meagan, Age 24, New Orleans

Back in college I was dating this total alcoholic (we’ll call him K) whom I was with for 2 years. (Love is definitely blind sometimes.)

Anyway, it’s New Year’s Eve and we went with some friends to a club to celebrate. We’re dancing and everyone is having a good time.

All of a sudden, K grabs my hand and puts it on his package. It’s pretty evident to me that he’s excited. He says, “It’s all for you baby!” I was pretty mortified, especially since he didn’t seem interested in giving my hand back to me and people were staring. I guess that I wasn’t drunk enough or something, but I was pretty annoyed and ended up leaving soon after.

Needless to say, we both slept in our respective beds that night, and a breakup was looming large on the horizon.

Posted by StewFox at 8:21 pm

Twuwy, Madwy, Deepwy

College, Foot In Mouth, Girl Story - No Sex for Guy, High School, How Not To Get Laid, Icky and/or Gross, Virginity 1 Response »
Mar 202008

Submitted by Lauren, Age 21, Toronto

When I was in my last year of high school, a very sexy older boy asked me out. Naturally, I accepted. It is a mark of prestige, attractiveness and intelligence for a high school girl to be with a university boy.

We began dating. We didn’t go far for months, never getting past ‘first base’. However, I was crazy about him, and he about me. I decided that he was the one I would “lose it” to. And, being an inexperienced virgin, I set out to create the perfect night for us to “physically express our love” (as I delicately described it to my equally inexperienced friends).

I invited him to my home one night when I knew my family would be gone. I went out, bought special underwear, soft sexy music, candles, the whole shtick. It was going to be beautiful and perfect.

Or so I thought.

He came over. I immediately steered him to the bedroom. The carefully planned ambiance tipped him off to my intention. We began kissing and fondling each other, slowly rounding out the bases.

I was pleased that everything was going so well. I was turned on, ready. He began breathing heavily and whispering sexy nothings in my ear.

Then it happened.

He said “I want you so badly”. which, in itself, is not a bad thing to say. Except that he said it in a baby voice. I’m talking five year old with a lisp baby voice: “I want you so badwy”. A little, horny Elmer Fudd. It caught me off-guard, but I decided to ignore it.

I suppose my silence read as an indication that I liked dirty baby talk. He started saying dirtier and dirtier things and I grew more and more disturbed. The deal breaker was “I wanna spwit you open wif my cock”. At that point, I rolled off him and said I was “too nervous” to continue. It seemed like a backhanded way to compliment him and to get out of sex with little explanation. In reality I was just too creeped out and turned off.

For several days, every time we interacted, all I could think about was “I wanna spwit you open wif my cock”.

The relationship didn’t survive.

Posted by StewFox at 7:58 pm

In Retrospect, Sex Would Have Been Nice Too

College, Guy Story - No Sex for Guy, How Not To Get Laid, Lack of Balls, Melancholy, On Being Good, Virginity 2 Responses »
Mar 142008

Submitted by Matthew, Age 61, New England, USA

Then, not getting laid wasn’t what hurt the most. Now, forty-three years later, it is. There’s nothing like being in love the first time. Those feelings last forever.

She was in love with me too, in the same way. We declared that, someday, we would get married.

We were both virgins, but hot to experiment. We met during the summer and had a comfortable place to be alone, and we undressed each other and, without intercourse, made love often.

My friend was in nursing school. She had studied the rhythm method and took her temperature each morning. One night when we were in bed together she said, “I’m not fertile. I want to make love.”

Continue reading »

Posted by StewFox at 6:36 am

An Empty Condom, An Empty Bed, and Subtext

College, Drugs/Alcohol, Foot In Mouth, Guy Story - No Sex for Guy, How Not To Get Laid, Lack of Balls 2 Responses »
Mar 112008

Submitted by Innocent Loverboy, Age 22, London

I was in my university’s union bar, trying not to let the music get to me while sipping my usual non-alcoholic cocktail. Keeping in line with my life from the age of 18 onwards, I was perpetually single, and to be frank, the idiots getting off with other idiots on the dance floor were offending me. Not because they were getting off, exactly; the dance floor was meant to be used for dancing, in my opinion.

I weaved through the interlocked couples and noticed a discarded condom on the floor. It was still sealed in its packet, and looked fine to me when I inspected it. I pocketed it to add to my stock when I got back to my room.

“Have you met my friend Laura?” asked a girl I vaguely knew from sight. I turned around, and there she was: Laura. Blonde hair, blue eyes, a few extra pounds, and a cheeky, attractive quality. I shifted uncomfortably and flashed my default ‘flirting’ smile.

Continue reading »

Posted by StewFox at 10:07 pm
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