How Not to Get Laid

Submitted by “Tall Girl”

I’m 6′3″. He’s 6′2″. We’re making out.
He says, “This is great. You know, I’ve never slept with a girl who is taller than me.”
“Well, you haven’t yet,” I say.
“Oh, I will. Definitely,” he says, his confidence suddenly taking on a creepy tone.
“Really?”
“Oh, yes.”
“And what makes you so sure?” I ask.
“Well, because I’m tall and charming and good looking. And you’re . . . tall . . .”
“Yes? And?”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that the way it came out,” he sputters. “It’s just . . .”
“Yes?”
“Well, you’re a big girl, that’s all. And let’s be honest: I doubt that guys like me come along very often for you. Guys of my size, that is . . . Who are interested . . . You know what I mean.”
Unfortunately, I do know what he means. I tell him:
“No, you’re absolutely right. It’s very unusual for me to sleep with a guy as small as you. Unusual and unlikely.”

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