How Not to Get Laid

Once when I was in college, there was this guy I was kind of interested in. We’d both started flirting pretty hardcore, and it seemed like only a matter of time before things were going to get physical.

He was in my dorm room one day, and he noticed a pink stuffed pig on my bed (one of several stuffed animals, I must confess). I’m not exactly sure how it happened, but he started making a joke about having sex with the pig. It wasn’t the funniest joke, but it didn’t come out of left field either. There was context, I just forget what it was.

My point is, the problem wasn’t the joke itself, but that he acted it out. And the problem was HOW he acted it out. He started thrusting into my poor pig’s backside like his pelvis was having a seizure – like a jackhammer set on warp speed.

I thought: “If this is what he thinks sex is supposed to be like – even jokingly – then I want no part of it.” He left my room shortly after and, needless to say, was never invited back. I had no interest in playing the role of that stuffed pig.

Submitted by Alyssa, Age 26, St. Louis, MO

CLICK STARS TO RATE THIS STORY:

(18 votes, average: 3.56 out of 5)

 Loading ...