How Not to Get Laid

Submitted by Linda, Age 29, Los Angeles

It was my first year in the dorms. I was sharing a room with one other girl, and we’d only recently met but were becoming great friends. She kind enough to allow by BF from back home to come stay in our one tiny room for a week long visit.

Well, my beloved came up by bus on the very weekend our two adjacent dorm buildings had been having a fire alarm war. For the unfamiliar, this means a person from building A sneaks into building B in the middle of the night and pulls the fire alarm. Sirens blare in each and every room and everyone must evacuate the building until the campus fire department comes and resets the alarm.

Our first night together in the same bed in months, we waited until my roommate was definitely asleep and we began to ever so slowly snuggle together, getting closer and closer. It was at the exact moment our under-the-covers snuggling crossed the line into “official sex” that the light above the door started flashing and those piercing teeth-gnashing sirens began screaming. I believe I literally felt my BF shrink out and away. We had to pull ourselves together (apart I mean) and pretend to be half asleep like my roommate as we were herded down the stairs and outside into the cold. Needless to say, my BF was a very jumpy guy every time I wanted him to be a very humpy guy after that!

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