How Not to Get Laid

(Was it too much to hope that our 69th story would be about, well, 69? In a word: Yes. No 69 stories this week. Fortunately this little nugget is not too far afield. So enjoy! — SF)

Submitted by Bill, Age 22, Atlanta, GA

Last week I was out with my buddy John, and he’s trying to get with this hot girl he’s been working on for some time. She was with her equally hot friend, and it was the four of us at this bar. We were having some brewskies and things are going well. We boys are throwing down the charm, and it seems to be working. Laughs all around.

The subject then goes to sex, and then oral sex, and I’m thinking this can only be a good thing. That is, until John, starts in about how bad it tastes to go down on a girl. Now, John is normally cool, but his charm and comedy is definitely of the non-politically correct “I’m the guy who tells it like it is and fuck you if you disagree with me” variety. It was soooooo wrong for this moment. He goes off on this bit about how he’s never going to go down on a woman again. Was he being serious? Doesn’t matter, it was a stupid move. Whatever interest this chick may have had in him . . . gone. She did a 360. John, needless to say, did not get laid.

On the flip side, thanks to John’s little editorial, I got to be the guy who valiantly defended the cause of cunnilingus, and, I will say, the ladies were much more sympathetic to my position. I got my reward later. But then, that’s another story . . .

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