Archive for March 2008
Submitted by Meagan, Age 24, New Orleans
Back in college I was dating this total alcoholic (we’ll call him K) whom I was with for 2 years. (Love is definitely blind sometimes.)
Anyway, it’s New Year’s Eve and we went with some friends to a club to celebrate. We’re dancing and everyone is having a good time.
All of a sudden, K grabs my hand and puts it on his package. It’s pretty evident to me that he’s excited. He says, “It’s all for you baby!” I was pretty mortified, especially since he didn’t seem interested in giving my hand back to me and people were staring. I guess that I wasn’t drunk enough or something, but I was pretty annoyed and ended up leaving soon after.
Needless to say, we both slept in our respective beds that night, and a breakup was looming large on the horizon.
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Submitted by Da Man, Age 17
The most stupid thing I’ve ever done. I had a crush on this girl and invited her to a party I gave. I didn’t want to get with her at that party; all I cared about was to have fun, and the funny thing about women is… they love it when you don’t give them all your attention…
Well, at the end of the party, she was pretty much into me, and I brought her to a bus stop where her father was going to pick her up. I was about to kiss her, when her father came, and she wanted to stop the kiss, but I was going into her. The father, a conservative, came out and screamed at me: I should lay my hands off his daughter. I told him to fuck off and continued to kiss her when she slapped me. End of story was that I called her a bitch and then had to run away from her really tall father.
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Submitted by Lauren, Age 21, Toronto
When I was in my last year of high school, a very sexy older boy asked me out. Naturally, I accepted. It is a mark of prestige, attractiveness and intelligence for a high school girl to be with a university boy.
We began dating. We didn’t go far for months, never getting past ‘first base’. However, I was crazy about him, and he about me. I decided that he was the one I would “lose it” to. And, being an inexperienced virgin, I set out to create the perfect night for us to “physically express our love” (as I delicately described it to my equally inexperienced friends).
I invited him to my home one night when I knew my family would be gone. I went out, bought special underwear, soft sexy music, candles, the whole shtick. It was going to be beautiful and perfect.
Or so I thought.
He came over. I immediately steered him to the bedroom. The carefully planned ambiance tipped him off to my intention. We began kissing and fondling each other, slowly rounding out the bases.
I was pleased that everything was going so well. I was turned on, ready. He began breathing heavily and whispering sexy nothings in my ear.
Then it happened.
He said “I want you so badly”. which, in itself, is not a bad thing to say. Except that he said it in a baby voice. I’m talking five year old with a lisp baby voice: “I want you so badwy”. A little, horny Elmer Fudd. It caught me off-guard, but I decided to ignore it.
I suppose my silence read as an indication that I liked dirty baby talk. He started saying dirtier and dirtier things and I grew more and more disturbed. The deal breaker was “I wanna spwit you open wif my cock”. At that point, I rolled off him and said I was “too nervous” to continue. It seemed like a backhanded way to compliment him and to get out of sex with little explanation. In reality I was just too creeped out and turned off.
For several days, every time we interacted, all I could think about was “I wanna spwit you open wif my cock”.
The relationship didn’t survive.
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Submitted by humiliation express, age 17
let out a loud LOUD ripper TWICE during an important meeting, and i remember the last time it happened, the girl got laughed at, so i left the room, and while leaving, let off a few more. i was too ashamed to return, and now i have to see them all again regularly. oh for shame. fuckin’ wind.
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Submitted by Matthew, Age 61, New England, USA
Then, not getting laid wasn’t what hurt the most. Now, forty-three years later, it is. There’s nothing like being in love the first time. Those feelings last forever.
She was in love with me too, in the same way. We declared that, someday, we would get married.
We were both virgins, but hot to experiment. We met during the summer and had a comfortable place to be alone, and we undressed each other and, without intercourse, made love often.
My friend was in nursing school. She had studied the rhythm method and took her temperature each morning. One night when we were in bed together she said, “I’m not fertile. I want to make love.”
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Submitted by Innocent Loverboy, Age 22, London
I was in my university’s union bar, trying not to let the music get to me while sipping my usual non-alcoholic cocktail. Keeping in line with my life from the age of 18 onwards, I was perpetually single, and to be frank, the idiots getting off with other idiots on the dance floor were offending me. Not because they were getting off, exactly; the dance floor was meant to be used for dancing, in my opinion.
I weaved through the interlocked couples and noticed a discarded condom on the floor. It was still sealed in its packet, and looked fine to me when I inspected it. I pocketed it to add to my stock when I got back to my room.
“Have you met my friend Laura?” asked a girl I vaguely knew from sight. I turned around, and there she was: Laura. Blonde hair, blue eyes, a few extra pounds, and a cheeky, attractive quality. I shifted uncomfortably and flashed my default ‘flirting’ smile.
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Submitted by Francoiz, Age 27, The Netherlands
Two days after my 23rd birthday my girlfriend broke up with me. Facing a lonely two week holiday, I went off for a small vacation to Turkey on my own. Near the place I stayed, I found a good Turkish restaurant in which I enjoyed a superb meal and some good beers. A table next to mine was taken by some English people and a man who turned out to be German. All of them were much older then me (in their forties, I guess) but they invited me to join them after dinner. So I did. Drinking beer, having fun, drinking even more beer, having some good discussions, and eventually drinking more beer.
Midnight had passed a few hours ago and I was there sitting in an almost empty restaurant facing another beer and this 43-year-old (big) German when he suddenly announced he was a gay male (I already had noticed he was male, but not that he was gay). I told him I respect everyone, that it didn’t bother me, and that I still enjoyed the conversation we had.
But what came next stunned me in such a way that I can never forget this meeting with this man:
He bends forward a little bit and says: “I can give u a blow if u like “.
I gasped for air and held my chair tight (very tight!). I must have told him about the girlfriend who broke up with me a couple of days earlier. It crossed my mind that he could have meant something else. In Holland, a hash-filled cigarette is called a ‘blow’ or a joint.
I asked: “U mean a blowjob??”
Confirmative.
All I remember is that NOTHING HAPPENED. I walked back to my hotel room, went to sleep, and woke up the next morning with a terrible pain in the HEAD.
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