How Not to Get Laid

A compendium of coitus rejectus... because we learn more from our failures

A forum for stories about all those amazing sexual encounters you almost had, but didn't.

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Archive for December 2007

Thinking Positivity . . . If You Wanna Be With Me

Posted: December 6th, 2007

3 comments so far

Submitted by Claire E., Age 22, San Francisco

If you want to sleep with the girl…

…spend less time brooding about your luck with women, and more time touching her goodies.

…spend less time vocalizing your concerns that she doesn’t want to sleep with you, and more time touching her goodies.

…spend less time arguing that you deserve sex because you are a decent person, and more time touching her goodies.

…spend less time bragging that you nearly never come because you like to please girls so much, and more time… yes, touching her goodies.

Try on some positivity, try to have some fun, and enjoy her company. Quit fussing out loud over whether or not she’s going to fuck you and quit trying to uncover the mystery of why not when she doesn’t.

Most of all, quit calling me. You blew it.

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Dirty Boy is All Thumbs

Posted: December 4th, 2007

15 comments so far

Submitted by lola harrington, Age 35, Mouseville, FL

it’s the early 90s, and i’m 19 and an undergrad at a college in florida’s capital city. i have broken up with my boyfriend who lived in the same apartment complex, but we still get on really well. so well, in fact, that i hang out at his apartment with his three other roommates. he and i stop sleeping together, but from time to time i sleep with his other two roommates … usually separately. ; )

unfortunately for the third roommate, i’m not into him. he’s overweight, a total loud-mouthed hick, pasty-white, and wore really unattractive glasses. he tried to guilt me into sleeping with him, and then called me a whore when i refused. i explained repeatedly that my involvement with his roommates wasn’t a free-for-all, but a
respectful arrangement that happened when we were available and amenable. guilting me into sex was not going to work, i explained, and neither would flattering me. he STILL didn’t get it. so he tried alcohol.

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