How Not to Get Laid

Inside Her Mouth

Submitted by Joseph, Age 21, Massachusetts

Sophomore year. I had been flirting with this totally gorgeous girl in my biochem class for months (let’s call her “Dana”), and that flirting had finally paid off. We went together to a concert on campus and were walking back in the direction of our dorms. We were talking about the strangest places we’d ever hooked up with anyone when we passed this row of hedges. Taking my chance, I asked, “have you ever made out with anyone on the other side of that hedge?”

She smiled and shook her head. “Have you?”

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Does the rock hard loser come à la mode?

Submitted by Lynn, Age 36, Atlanta, GA

It was an evening of firsts. The first date since my divorce, the first with a gentleman I’d met online, and the first with a man over forty. He seemed great on paper: tall, chiseled face, a banker. But from the moment we said hello, I could tell there was something not quite right about him. When browsing his online profile one last time before our date, I wondered: how does a man like this get to be forty-three without ever being married? I soon found out.

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