Submitted by Chris, Age 32, Washington D.C.

I felt confident and mature even though I was barely 22. Fresh out of college, I already had my own apartment, and, after lucking into a plum job at John Hancock, I was making twice as much money as any of my friends. All this, and I had just started dating Sarah, who was not just a knockout, but four years my senior. I was dating an older woman – a hot older woman!

But, as I said, I was young and cocky. And horny. That’s why, after three and a half dates, I invited her to my place for a dinner that I would cook. It had been almost two years since I last had sex, I was eager to close to deal, and I thought, what better way to do it than by cooking her dinner? How mature of me!

The only problem was, I was pretty clueless in the kitchen. I called my mom for help (again, how mature!). We went through all my favorite recipes of hers until we settled on one that was easy and sure to impress: her beef and bean stew.

Did it work? Not exactly. Sarah seemed to like the stew, but she didn’t eat much. Stupidly, I encouraged her to eat more, guilting her, saying, “If you like it, eat more. I’ve made so much!” So she ate more. But then she behaved awkwardly for the rest of the night and excused herself before things could really get physical, claiming a major headache. No sex for me.

Sarah and I ended up dating for two years, and eventually I learned that she had actually wanted to have sex with me that first night, but my choice of entree has scuttled our chances. Sarah has a very sensitive digestive system, and such a healthy portion of beans and beef make her fart like nobody’s business. Apparently, my cooking gave her such a bad case of gas – she’d become self-conscious. She spent the whole evening trying to hide her farts from me, and eventually begged off the sex because she knew she wouldn’t be able to control herself with her legs wide open.