How not to get laid?
Send a text message that says “I love you!” after a third date.
Yes, this happened to me.
Submitted by “Restraining order, please!”, Age 28, New York City
Dec 112006
Dec 112006
I met a girl my freshman year of college who seemed to have it all going for her. I was very intrigued, but didn’t have enough hair on my chest to talk to her. Instead, I decided that a better idea was to run for student government and my “campaign strategy” was to head over to her dorm and knock on doors… in hopes of meeting her and actually sparking a conversation.
Well two trips to those f’ing dorms later, not only did I not connect with this young lady – but I also won the stupid election.
To make matters worse, I met another girl while I was in student government. She was nice, attractive and very smart. She was on the university’s swim team. Unfortunately, my mandatory student government office hours were set at the only times during the week that she was free from her athletic and class responsibilities. Not being able to see her at normal times and hours, quickly led to a breakdown of that relationship. Hence again, not getting laid.
Moral of the story: Do not run for student government in hopes of getting laid… This will simply backfire.
Submitted by George, Age 30, Waltham, MA
Dec 112006
The fairy tale adventure of my romantic life just keeps on playing . . .
A male friend who’s been around for the last year recently broke up with his fiancé. Almost immediately, he turned his attention to me. He made my head turn for about a half a second until suddenly, we were talking, and there was something just lewd about him. All character was stripped and he seemed, eh, I don’t know, not the person I’d known for the last year. I barely recognized him. I called him on it . . .
He told me he was looking for a one night stand to get over his ex and knew I’d “be up for the ride”. I was silenced while he continued – yes, continued! – saying that with my background in theatre, there’s no way I was the “good-girl” I presented myself to be, though “the whole catholic girl routine and clothing” totally works for him (he said this with a wink, naturally).
I probably should have slapped him, but instead, for some unknown reason, I didn’t. Instead, I asked what would make him think that I’d be up for such a proposal. He said, “Oh, I figured shallow and not-too-bright were a good combination for a one night stand. C’mon, it’s just sex. We’ll both have a good time. Let’s go.”
The funny thing is, I liked him before this conversation. Who knows where things may have led had he not been such a prick. Think it, don’t say it. No, try not to even think it.
Submitted by Sarah Clay, London
Dec 112006
(Welcome! Since this is to be a website where I ask complete strangers to spill their guts about things that happened to them in the past, I suppose it’s only fair that I use this inaugural post to share an anecdote of my own. Please enjoy this story and all those that follow! with love, Stewart)
I was a virgin at the time. Most of the stories begin this way. Fresh out of college, Benjamin Braddock had nothing on me. I was horny, repressed, and overeager.
The terrible thing about being a twenty-something virgin – aside from all the obvious things – is that I was never able to approach a romantic relationship with the same sort of carefree nature my peers could. For me, every date, every girlfriend, every interaction with the opposite sex became loaded. Will she be the one? Will this be my chance to lose the scarlet V emblazoned on my chest?
Not long after graduation, I spent four months traveling around the country with a group of actors. Very quickly, I managed to couple up with the girl I considered to be the “hot one” of the bunch. I’d like to say this made me the alpha male of the group, but in truth, I think it just made me lucky. She was smart and funny and said she used to model, which I got a real kick out of. She may have modeled for the Toys ‘R’ Us catalog when she was five for all I knew. Didn’t matter. My young ego was sufficiently stoked.
She was cheating on her boyfriend with me, which I was okay with because it didn’t seem like that relationship was going to last. Furthermore, the illicit nature of our road-trip romance made it all the more exciting for both of us. We were sneaking around motels across the southern part of the country, making out and getting all hot and heavy. Surely, I thought, it was just a matter of time. Continue reading »