One of Those "Friend of a Friend" Things

Submitted by Jack, 28, San Francisco, CA

I got a call from this very sexy girl who had been dating a good friend of mine for several months. They had ended things on good terms recently, but rumor was that they might be relapsing occasionally. This girl was out of town visiting her terminally-ill grandfather. She said she would be back that evening….did I want to do something? She sounded upset, needed some distraction, humor, support, etc. I agreed, not considering this to be anything other than platonic.

We met up, got a bottle of wine and a movie, returned to her place, and hung out, talking philosophy and all matters relating to the end of life. The wine bottle gets emptied, the movie is over, and we get a little closer to each other. She had to wake up in less than 5 hours the next morning for work, and her head was slightly wobbling from the wine and emotional fatigue. So, we called it a night.

She offered that I stay over so I didn’t have deal with getting home. I ended up crashing and sleeping in her bed next to her (the couch was out of the question as her two wasted roommates would be home soon with guys). So we fell asleep, while some flickers of other things passed through my mind. I had generally made it a point of pride not to get involved with friend’s ex’s, so I tried to avoid taking things further in my thoughts.

The next morning, a bit hung-over, I look over, and there is a significant look on her face, not normal for that early in the morning. The next thing I realize, she jumps on top of me, straddling me, and starts kissing. We begin making out hard, and it is only because she glances at the clock five minutes later and exclaims, “Oh shit, I gotta get to work!” that we keep our clothes on. She jumps off and rushes into the bathroom to get ready, while I groggily put my shoes on, try to get a grasp what just happened. I say good-bye to her as we head out her building and into the day. She’s already at work in her mind, so I get a slight peck on the cheek and promises to meet up that night at an event I will be DJing at.

Fast-forward through the day, and I’ve been torn over the situation. On the one hand, she is smoking hot and I want to get to know her better. On the other hand, she is an ex of a pretty close friend, possibly still hooking up with him, and it’s difficult to figure out if he’s still attached to her. I couldn’t come to a resolution, so I went with my default: no former girls of good friends, it just makes things easier.

That night at the bar, she shows up in a ridiculously seductive red dress, and after several gin and tonics, my prior resolve is completely shot. I can’t help but flirt. The night progresses, my DJ duties occupy me, and later, looking around, I find her absent from the club. At closing time, getting records and gear out into the car, she shows up out of nowhere, and asks if she can help me with my stuff, and if I want to come over later.

So, I end up at her place, again, a bottle of wine, again, a movie playing—but this time we’re not just sitting close side by side. We gradually, but pretty intensely, start making out.

But I, for some reason, can’t get the thought out of my mind that I shouldn’t be doing this, that it will lead to a bad outcome for all parties. Right about the time where things are about to take the turn into deeper waters, I fatally hesitate for a split-second, just a moment, and she latches onto it, reading my thoughts, and asks, “What about ____? What do you think? Would he be hurt and upset about this?”

My fears, which I had hoped were just in the back of my mind, were now out in the open. At this point, the alcohol had already checked out for the night and the momentum we built up had fallen flat on its face. A little more fruitless discussion, some confused and distracted cuddling, and the end of the night.

The following days led to some phone tag, and then I go out of town for the weekend to go camping. Before I leave, she tells me she will be house-sitting for a friend the following week. She says she’d like me to come over and visit; she’s wary about being alone and bored. My mind is set at this point: pride or friend-loyalty be damned, I had to follow through with this! I jump at the offer and say I’d definitely like to come over for a night, and she says, “I was hoping for the whole week.” This gets me really excited, making the weekend camping trip seem agonizingly long.

Then, upon my return the situation is dead. I call, asking to come over. Her response: “Oh yea, that, um… about us, there’s nothing, really.”

I never found out what happened while I was gone, I didn’t feel like asking. 5 years later, I am completely out of contact with her, and contact with my friend has faded to annual communications. Was it worthwhile hesitating, being overly concerned, and having doubts that critical night? I’d say not.