How Not to Get Laid

Submitted by Sally, Age 30, New York, NY

I was on my first date with Cliff. He was a former bad boy with the sort of good looks that had surely led many girls astray. But he’d cleaned up his act in the last decade, at least that was the story: he’d gotten off drugs, gone straight, headed back to school, and gotten his real estate license. Now he was doing quite well for himself as a real estate agent, and seemed like a fine catch.

The date is going well. We do dinner and then a bar. Conversation comes easy with Cliff. We start talking about high school, middle school, all the pains of adolescence. It comes out that he was something of a bully in his younger years, and that I was more often, well, the bullied. I told him of my awkward adolescence, my early-developing chest, and the frequent teasing I encountered from my classmates because of it.

“Did they ever do this one?” he asked – at which point he reached up suddenly and snapped my bra strap! Hard.

“What the hell?” I said, suddenly jarred back to the worst of middle school memories. I was completely floored, not to mention, in pain. He had snapped really hard.

But he was still in the land of the joking. He said, “So, is that a yes, or a …?”

“Please don’t do that again,” I said.

He laughed. “Okay, okay. I’m sorry, I promise. I promise I won’t …”

And then he reached for the strap AGAIN, as if he couldn’t resist. Fortunately, my defenses were up at this point, and I blocked him. He just laughed, like it was a grand old nostalgic moment we just shared.

But I felt violated. In that moment, I’d seen into his dark bra-snapping soul, and I knew the old bully was still there. The rest of the evening only served to confirm this suspicion, as my cold shoulders were met with aggressive advances that proved tiring to rebuff. Cliff clearly wanted to score with me. And he clearly wouldn’t.

I would think it would be obvious to say that if you want to score with a girl, you don’t snap her bra strap, but maybe, it’s not. So I write to your readers, Stewart, to set the record straight on this issue. Boys, don’t be idiots.

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